expiationnet

Oh they're horrific! They're...invisible bugs that are everywhere and can make you sick or worse if you don't wash your hands. There's no stopping them. There's no getting rid of them. They're just there.

Everywhere.

All the time.

[he clears his throat]

Frankly I'm hoping that ignoring them will make them go away.

[ Okay, so these germs are right up there with witches and demons and their ilk. Ed's shoulders visibly relax, along with the rest of him (mostly). ]

Think someone might've been pulling your leg about that, mate.

And anyway, real or not, we get to choose what invisible things we believe in and which ones we tell to fuck off. It's a good thing, too, or I'd've been struck down by somebody's god ages ago.

Really? You think so? Well that's a relief...

[he does believe in God though mostly out of habit. He really doesn't want to stop and think about it. He pours them both grape juice and sits back with his, swirling it a bit]

What do you believe in, then, Ed?

[ Ed nods solemnly. Huge relief not to believe in Hell, honestly. Or invisible bugs crawling all over you, either. Not like they don't have enough real things in life to worry about.

He sits forward and takes his glass of grape juice as well, but lingers there with his elbows rested on his knees and the glass held loosely between. Rather than drink, he pauses, head tilted up, thoughtful, over the question. What does he believe in? Himself? A petulant, unjust god? Or nothing? After a brooding moment, he decides, voice dropping around the word. ]

Fear.

[ That's the one thing Ed's always been able to rely on. Though, he's taken some pretty stupid risks lately, things he never would've done before this past month, and the reason for it is obvious: right there, sitting close by. The only person to ever ask him questions like that, bothering to get to know him, to feed him sweet things just to see his reaction, to smile at him when they aren't planning someone's murder, or escaping imminent death, or about to set something on fire. Ed's eyebrows lift and his voice lightens, though it stays the same kind of hushed quiet. ]

And love.

[the fear sends a delicious little shiver through him, like hearing a really great ghost story. Yes, Ed can be terrifying and in some cases- a bit much, but he's also incredibly cool at a level that Stede couldn't hope to accomplish.

The love stops that right up and leaves him feeling... a little strange to be honest. Disappointed is a good word. Though not in Ed. More himself.]

Gosh... don't think I know that one. [but he can't say that out loud and sound like he means it] Well the kids, of course. And Mary. [which is a lie he'd get struck down for or maybe he is because of the wave of guilt that follows]

And er... Mr. Hands for you, I imagine? [though, God, he hopes not because that would make Izzy leaving-very awkward. But he doesn't want it to be Jack either. Maybe some other famous pirate.Captain Kidd or Black Bellamy or even Flint for all he knows]

[ It's not as if Ed was expecting a love confession back, or anything. (Shut up, no he wasn't.) But he wasn't expecting to hear "Love? Don't know her" from Stede, either, and the reminder of his family, the real people he loves but left behind, punctures to bloom into a sharp pain in Ed's chest that hurts way worse than any stabbing in the side he's ever gotten. It knocks him breathless, in a way less pleasant way than Stede had a few minutes earlier, and Ed's got no time to recover before Stede's saying...? What the fuck is Stede saying? Ed's eyes narrow and he looks almost angry in his confusion. ]

Izzy? The fuck's Iz got to do with anything?

[ Maybe his brain would be working better if it weren't hung up around, "the kids, of course. And Mary," which of fucking course he is, and Ed knows that, and that's the whole point of his staying somewhere else and trying not to feel some stupid kind of way about the weirdly nice, funny, attractive, clever guy who only sees him as a friend— ]

Well uh... [now he wishes he hadn't brought it up at all. Is he wrong? Is he right? He doesn't know and doesn't want to.] I...I'm sorry for assuming.

Anyway, I believe in grape juice and sandwiches, which I'm looking forward to seeing, by the way, so start whenever you're ready.

[and even though he'd spoken a little fast and is sweating lightly, he considers that a nice save]

[ A nice save against just about anyone else, probably, but Ed's angry now (at himself), and defensive, and his voice is sharp and pointed enough to cut through whatever saving Stede might be doing. ]

I'm not in fucking love with Izzy.

[ Ed doesn't... okay, he doesn't not love Iz, but it's a captain-first mate kind of love. #itscomplicated. But Ed's not going to say that, and he's definitely not going to say that the way he feels for Stede is new and scary and a stronger kind of love than Ed thought he was even capable of—

Stubbornly, he snuffs all of those Big Feelings out with a huff and leans deeply back into the couch, burying his shoulders into the cushions. His voice loses its heat, turning contrite. ]

It's just a thing, you know. Love. Loving anybody, or anything, makes a person weak. As weak as fearing the thing. Weaker, maybe.

[ He sips from his grape juice the way he would if it were something stronger, only to stop and look at it in surprise, then look up again at Stede, confused by the (delicious) cloyingly sweet taste. ]

There's grapes in this?

So they say... [the anger is surprising, but he's not afraid of it. It was an assumption anyway, and he feels better somehow that he wasn't..well quite as a homewrecker as he thought he might have been.

But love making someone weak...] Feels like they're the same thing, doesn't it. [he smiles in habitual politeness he stares into the glass]

I suppose that's why you're so famous, isn't it? People love and fear you at the same time. The whole package. [his smile turns fond] I mean, look at you, all charm and leather, a quick and ready mind.

[what he wouldn't give to be like that. To be thought of like that. Mostly he was just pitied it felt like, or instead of being feared, he was just a nuisance. He had a hard time being liked as it was, but maybe he just wasn't that kind of person]

I think that anyone would be- [word] ecstatic if - if they thought you... you know... So I don't think you have to worry about that when the time comes.

[ "Feels like they're the same thing, doesn't it" is an astute observation. That's it, exactly. Ed's eyebrows raise and he nods around a deeper sip of juice, but then is sighing and shaking his head over the rest. ]

That's not love, Stede. That's... fanaticism. Envy. All those people "in love" with Blackbeard are in love with a made-up story, not me. They don't give a shit about me, never will. Try to use love like that against them and watch how fast they all abandon ship.

[ Blackbeards's crew has always been kept in line by threat of death, or worse. Izzy, too. Even his first mate was no exception, as he'd proved time and again since Stede's arrival. Stede's crew, though... Ed's head lifts and his voice lightens the way it does when he's unraveling a riddle. ]

They love you, though. Your crew. They defend you, at risk to themselves, without a gun to their backs or a knife to their throats.

[ He huffs. ]

Can't say I blame them, either, 'cause I'd do the same. You're really special, y'know? Never met anyone like you before. Once in a lifetime kind of guy.

What? Really? [his crew loves him? He knows some of them are more fond of him than others but- as for the rest, he's not really seen anything like that. Must be that weird not matching up thing they had going on. And Stede can't quite believe it. It seems like a fantasy. Though he wants to. They are an amazing bunch of people after all, even if some of them are, well, more difficult to really care for than others. But he does his best.

And the compliment is, well, something else. A once in a lifetime kind of guy. That's... well he's not sure what to think about it so he'll tuck it away for later to bring out when he's feeling down to cheer him up. And it looks like Ed needs some cheering up too.

Though Izzy had left...and perhaps even Jack for all Stede knows. Destroyer of beautiful things indeed, he thinks. Not that he would call either of them beautiful but...]

Well there's more to you than Blackbeard and I think there are some people that see that. I mean I do. I can't see anyone leaving you easily.

[ Ed's not looking to be cheered up, or expecting it, as he was just telling it like it is, like it's been for ages. He excepted what Blackbeard is a long time ago, encouraged it even, up until Stede came along and flipped everything on its head.

Really, he should've expected Stede would say something nice like that, because he's just that kind of guy. Just makes everyone around him feel not so worthless for a change. Ed's smile is soft, and warm: one entirely reserved for Stede. ]

Thanks, mate. Even if it's always just you that sticks around, I'm fine with that.

Nowhere else I'd rather be. [he smiles and raises the glass in salute] Cheers. ] and sips at the grape juice, making a face] God, I miss wine.

[maybe one day...]

Sandwiches?

[ God, it's worth it for that smile. Ed cheers the air happily back, though he has to disagree about the wine. ]

Mm... Think I like this stuff better.

[ It's so sweet?? Sweeter than the grapes themselves. Though without the warm alcoholic burn wine has, but rum and brandy are better for that, anyway.

Clearly in a better mood just that easily, the reminder of the sandwiches this time has Ed exhaling a huff of acknowledgement as he drains the rest of his glass, sits back up on the couch, and sets the glass aside to grab for his sandwich supplies instead. ]

Y'know you can get bread here that's already sliced? It's perfect for this kind of thing.

[ He pulls out a loaf wrapped in plastic and sets it on the table, followed by the rest of the contents of the bag: sliced ham and turkey and three different flavors of sliced cheeses each wrapped in waxed paper, a glass jar of grape preserves, and another glass jar of a tan, buttery substance. ]

It's incredible isn't it? [and since Ed has budged up to leave room, Stede situates himself beside him to see the process, and that the sofa is short enough so that his knee bumps into Ed, well, that can't be helped.]

This place is amazing, hot box, cold box, temperature control, sliced bread, magic. [he wiggles his fingers]

I kind of miss the ship, but I bet there's so much about this land worth exploring.

[ Seems like Stede was doing perfectly well sitting in that chair, which makes him moving to sit on the couch with Ed that much more exciting. Or distracting. Distractingly exciting. It's a real struggle to take his attention of Stede, the brush of his knee and the closeness of his warmth and nice smell, and even when Ed's turned back towards the table, palming open two slices of bread and layering cold cuts in the middle, he's not thinking about food at all, unless you count eating up the man sat beside him.

Incredible, amazing, magic. He agrees with all those things, though it takes a minute longer for Ed to apply them to Aldrip, or wherever they are. ]

There's ships here too, I've heard tell. And pirates thereabouts.

[ So like, he could fit right in? Not that he particularly cares to. Ed spent a lifetime building a reputation. Doing it all again sounds even more tedious than living the thing. But even if he and Stede were just to live in this place... Ed's hands still and he looks out towards the middle distance. ]

It's just... weird, though. You know? None of it makes sense.

[ He looks over at Stede, expression twisted with confusion. ]

Being accused of crimes on little slips of paper, and then told we're "chosen," given free meals and free lodging, and treated like we're celebrities, in a country no one's ever heard of, with weather that doesn't change how it should. Can't help wondering if I'm not dreaming all of this. Or maybe I died, and this is what death is like.

[wait. What? Yes that other stuff is important. Existential crises, meaning of life, whys and howfors and all that lovely stuff but-! Stede grasps Ed's shoulder until the man looks at him and feels like he's trying to catch his breath as the amazing idea sweeps over him.]

Ed... Ed! We could be pirates. Out there! Having adventures! Gather a crew! Sail or even just hoof it around the world! We could do it!

[he gives Ed a little shake] We really could!

[ Ed's grabbed by the shoulder, and his heart leaps in his throat, and he looks at Stede like in those honeyed eyes there might be the answer to all of those dour questions about the purpose of this new existence.

And then Stede talks about being pirates, and Ed blinks at him. ]

Okay. [ Fucking... okay, but like— ] Yeah, mate, of course we could. We are pirates. Pirate captains. Co-captains, even.

[ And he doesn't mean to go dashing Stede's dreams or being a raincloud across that sunshine smile BUT LIKE— ]

Point is, there's something bigger going on here, you know? Can't quite wrap my head around what it might be, but someone somewhere is fucking with us.

Edited 2023-06-06 20:00 (UTC)

So we fuck with them back! As hard as they can take it and come back for more!

Actually I was planning on doing that before... well... nevermind, but now that you're here it'll be twice as easy. We won't let them get under our skin. We'll show them what it's like to mess with two seasoned adventurers like ourselves.

I mean right?

[ Sometimes Ed wonders if Stede actually listens to the words he says, or if he has some kind of immunity to the sound of his own voice. It takes Ed a whole three seconds to shake that visceral image out of his head and actually hear what Stede is saying.

Ed huffs at the insane optimism, that coming from anyone else would be absolute idiocy. But if anybody could pull one over on death and dreams themselves, it'd be Stede Bonnet. He's the only magic Ed's ever seen. Shoulder rolling in a half shrug, he concedes. ]

Well... reckon if anyone were to turn this place on its head, it'd be us.

Exactly. [he bumps his knee lightly against Ed's]

And... [well returning back to his earlier statement] I mean...all of this...the crimes and everything else, I don't think we're dead. It feels more like a fuckery.

[ The knee-bump earns Stede a small smile from Ed and a bump of the ankle back, but the reassurance is less than convincing. Ed's a mastery of fuckery, after all, whatever the fuck is going on in this place feels way over his head. But also: #doubt ]

'Cause you know what feeling dead is like? This could be it, mate. Accused of a crime and waiting to be sentenced for all eternity. Sounds like a kind of hellish afterlife to me.

Oh I ...guess I never thought of it that way.

[he doesn't want to say he doesn't find it hellish or- well definitely doesn't now with him here as well, but he also doesn't want to contradict him just in case they're not on the same page]

Let's hope not. I wasn't done back ...alive.

[he clears his throat]

So that's a sandwich is it? Wow!

[ Ed's thoughts are round about the same. Feels more like dreaming than dying, but he's not about the say that and make things weird. Weirder than he already has.

Also, he'd completely forgotten about the sandwich he'd assembled and was still holding, until Stede's reminder. ]

Mm-hm. Handy, yeah? And no flames required. Never knew being a cook could be this easy. Kind of takes the art out of it, but it tastes nice.

[ He takes a bite of the sandwich he's made, assuming Stede would rather pick his own fillings, and then, still with a mouthful, nods in the direction of the lone pastry. ]

Where'd you get that little delight of yours, anyway?

Well we already know you'd be a great cook.

[oh he is just going to help himself to liberal doses of bread and peanut butter and jam so that it's fairly leaking off the bread]

Oh that? I swiped it. [he grins, hoping Ed doesn't ask any follow up questions]

Was in disguise and all, even cooked up a fainting spell. Oh! Would you like to see my mustache?

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