voice - the osamu radio show, take two

[nullificates]

(just voice. someone drank so much. please, he doesn't look his best, but his energy is as good as ever.)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the... I'm still not set on a name! So, right now, it's the I Drank Too Much This Weekend, Dazai Osamu show! If you attended the party, you are a champion! We should do this more often! If the woods weren't creepy-- unless, of course, that's your deal! Maybe a bonfire? Beach party? Cocktails? I'll even bartend! Ah, maybe I am still coming down. If this was your first time drinking, please, make sure to drink a lot of water, in tiny sips, and eat bland food! Don't upset your stomach, drink right! Anyway, let's see what we have for today...

Ah, yes, I've received a suggestion from someone probably very ugly, and friendless, and probably stinky, that the host should be changed! After debating with my associates, me, myself, and I, I've decided that's not possible, I'm so sorry! Please, feel better soon.

So, next up! We got fridges now, yadda yadda, snake people didn't eat anyone, don't go into the forest, but also, if you do, take some people, don't die, the basics. If you attempt to destroy the statues, they just get fixed perfectly, so I guess you can take that as an invitation to wreck the statue rather than someone else! Use it as a drama partner! Live your best life, so vandalize to your heart's desire. Remember, you are already paying for one crime! What's anoth--


Also, in line with our request from last week, several people wanted to know whether they're assholes. I'll read them for you, and you give your opinion, but I have to say... This is not looking too bright.

"I actually spat on someone's drink during the party, am I an asshole?"

Yes, actually.

"My husband cheated on me, so I stole her lover's jewelry and run off with our pet dog. I feel bad."

Mmmmmm, what do you think, Chosen? Please, tell us your thoughts! New arrivals, this happens once every-I-Felt-Like-It, so feel free to leave suggestions, comments, and talk around with your fellow criminals as we uncover the truth! Who's an asshole? If you say 'you', you don't have an ounce of creativity!

(in the background, one can hear "dazai-san, remind them about club signups!", the cute voice of our little aldrip sister, kotone... dazai giggles a little, an 'okokok' leaving him before he returns.)

Yes, also! Don't forget to come to the Club Building, and sign up for the clubs! Especially the magic one, for some reason that I don't really know, but that one!! Enjoy hobbies, make friends, start writing a Coup d'Etat, cook delicious meals, and take rabbits out of top hats, whatever you feel like!

Thank you and good evening!

Comments

[orphne]

[Unlike most, Kotone has the distinct pleasure(?) of being in-person for the live broadcast, because it's one of the rooms in her club building that she'd offered him as a makeshift broadcast studio. Which is why he can see the incredulity on her face as she ventures,]

Coup d'Etat...?

[She knows what it is! But why is it being brought up in the context of clubs!]

[nullificates]

An overthrow! Take over the government! Give whoever given us a sentence, a sentence back!! Ah, of course, these are just ideas, kiddo! Why not, a Government Take Down club?

Ah, I wouldn't do it myself, though. Lotta work. Ah-- Did you bring pillows... Sleepy... Hungover...

[orphne]

I think it would fall apart pretty quickly since there's nobody we could focus our efforts on targeting...

[It's not even that she opposes it in theory! But in practice, he's absolutely right, that's so much work.]

Maybe instead of being mean to your listeners, you could have given everybody tips for dealing with hangovers? You're probably not the only one.

[nullificates]

Sure. DEAR LISTENERS WHO ALSO HAVE A HANGOVER.

Drink more.

[orphne]

Water. Drink more water!

[She pats his head on her way out the door.]

I'll go find you some pillows and blankets. Try to be helpful, maybe?

[Or at least make people laugh.]

[nullificates]

Watered down tequila!! Kill two birds, a single stone!!-- Ah, pets? Koto-chan, you can't pet and leave!!!

(BITCH DECIDE)

voice;

[galling]

What kinda dog?

[nullificates]

They didn't specify, would you believe that? I'm gonna say... Little, angry purse dog!

[galling]

Ah, then she's just doing the guy a favor with pest control. Not The Asshole. Next.

[nullificates]

Hard agree. Also, most likely showing support for a hoarding issue by taking the jewels. A standing ovation for this brave soul!

[galling]

Though the guy's not much of a butt either. Maybe he knew he was dating an inherent kleptomaniac and miniature poodle thief? Seriously, who submitted this one? They're the Asshole for not givin' nearly enough info.

voice;

[fluorite]

[ Honestly, he's a bit of a fan of this show. It's definitely entertaining, and he's here for that right now. ]

Running off with the jewelry is a bit much, but I can't blame that person for running off at all.

[ Hm. ]

Although... if the jewelry is going to be pawned off for some extra money, I think that makes sense.

[nullificates]

(amazing. that's just what dazai needs! interested audiences.)

What would you do?

[fluorite]

I'd probably take some money instead... and run off with the dog too, of course.

[ In reality, he'd kick his partner out of the house along with stealing the jewelry and keeping the dog, but he doesn't need to air out how vindictive he has the potential to be. ]

And you?

[nullificates]

I don't care about money or dogs! I'd find the person they cheated on me with, sleep with them, and then tell my husband I get it, because it was the best night I have ever had, including our honeymoon.

(some of us will air how vindictive they would be, zero fucks given.)

[fluorite]

Ah, hitting them right where it hurts!

[ It's cruel, but it's a hypothetical, so Fai finds it more amusing than anything else. ]

Sounds like drama right out of a romance novel. I like it.

[emet_sulk]

What in all the seven hells is this tripe?

[ This grumpy voice doesn't sound impressed with Dasai's energy. ]

[nullificates]

The eight hell! Welcome!

[emet_sulk]

Is this meant to be a radio broadcast?

[nullificates]

It is so!

[emet_sulk]

Then why is none of it informative?!

audio

[generaltraitor]

[ There's something suspiciously like a giggle down the line. ]

Drama partner? Is anyone so narcissistic to go ballroom dancing with their own statue?

Anyway, I can't say I blame the second person. I'd have slapped the husband senseless.

[nullificates]

Why not? You may also yell your true feelings to the other statues!

... What if it encouraged him!!!!!

[generaltraitor]

Inciting disorderly behaviour on a public broadcast, for shame...

[ despite the lack of video, it is clear from the way her tone changes that she is making A Face. ]

Encour- what? Who is this man I have married in this scenario?

[nullificates]

Whisper! Whatever you feel comfortable with!

(he will just say whatever he feels like.)

You tell me!! You married him, not me!! Some men just like the attention when they're wrong!