voice - the osamu radio show, take two

[nullificates]

(just voice. someone drank so much. please, he doesn't look his best, but his energy is as good as ever.)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the... I'm still not set on a name! So, right now, it's the I Drank Too Much This Weekend, Dazai Osamu show! If you attended the party, you are a champion! We should do this more often! If the woods weren't creepy-- unless, of course, that's your deal! Maybe a bonfire? Beach party? Cocktails? I'll even bartend! Ah, maybe I am still coming down. If this was your first time drinking, please, make sure to drink a lot of water, in tiny sips, and eat bland food! Don't upset your stomach, drink right! Anyway, let's see what we have for today...

Ah, yes, I've received a suggestion from someone probably very ugly, and friendless, and probably stinky, that the host should be changed! After debating with my associates, me, myself, and I, I've decided that's not possible, I'm so sorry! Please, feel better soon.

So, next up! We got fridges now, yadda yadda, snake people didn't eat anyone, don't go into the forest, but also, if you do, take some people, don't die, the basics. If you attempt to destroy the statues, they just get fixed perfectly, so I guess you can take that as an invitation to wreck the statue rather than someone else! Use it as a drama partner! Live your best life, so vandalize to your heart's desire. Remember, you are already paying for one crime! What's anoth--


Also, in line with our request from last week, several people wanted to know whether they're assholes. I'll read them for you, and you give your opinion, but I have to say... This is not looking too bright.

"I actually spat on someone's drink during the party, am I an asshole?"

Yes, actually.

"My husband cheated on me, so I stole her lover's jewelry and run off with our pet dog. I feel bad."

Mmmmmm, what do you think, Chosen? Please, tell us your thoughts! New arrivals, this happens once every-I-Felt-Like-It, so feel free to leave suggestions, comments, and talk around with your fellow criminals as we uncover the truth! Who's an asshole? If you say 'you', you don't have an ounce of creativity!

(in the background, one can hear "dazai-san, remind them about club signups!", the cute voice of our little aldrip sister, kotone... dazai giggles a little, an 'okokok' leaving him before he returns.)

Yes, also! Don't forget to come to the Club Building, and sign up for the clubs! Especially the magic one, for some reason that I don't really know, but that one!! Enjoy hobbies, make friends, start writing a Coup d'Etat, cook delicious meals, and take rabbits out of top hats, whatever you feel like!

Thank you and good evening!

Comments

voice;

[fluorite]

[ Honestly, he's a bit of a fan of this show. It's definitely entertaining, and he's here for that right now. ]

Running off with the jewelry is a bit much, but I can't blame that person for running off at all.

[ Hm. ]

Although... if the jewelry is going to be pawned off for some extra money, I think that makes sense.

[nullificates]

(amazing. that's just what dazai needs! interested audiences.)

What would you do?

[fluorite]

I'd probably take some money instead... and run off with the dog too, of course.

[ In reality, he'd kick his partner out of the house along with stealing the jewelry and keeping the dog, but he doesn't need to air out how vindictive he has the potential to be. ]

And you?

[nullificates]

I don't care about money or dogs! I'd find the person they cheated on me with, sleep with them, and then tell my husband I get it, because it was the best night I have ever had, including our honeymoon.

(some of us will air how vindictive they would be, zero fucks given.)

[fluorite]

Ah, hitting them right where it hurts!

[ It's cruel, but it's a hypothetical, so Fai finds it more amusing than anything else. ]

Sounds like drama right out of a romance novel. I like it.

[nullificates]

E-xac-tly! I wouldn't feel bad either.

Great drama, right? What should happen afterwards! The public wants to know!

[fluorite]

Naturally, your poor husband is going to leave your home crying! He's going to go confront his former lover to see how good the night really was.

[nullificates]

Well, duh, it was amazing!

[fluorite]

[ He tsks, a hint of amusement in his voice. ]

And here I thought you’d continue the story…

[nullificates]

The rest of the story is not for young audiences, this programme in which I said I would fuck the cheating partner is PG-13, sir! Think of the children!

[fluorite]

[ He laughs. ]

Alright, alright! Let's keep them in mind.

[ In other words, time for a topic change. ]

So, how bad is the forest, exactly?

[nullificates]

People have been missing! I have been looking, and if I can't find them...! It's bad!

[fluorite]

Are you good at finding missing people?

[nullificates]

Part of the job! I'm a detective!

[fluorite]

Oooh, really? It's been a while since I've met a detective. I assume you've been poking your nose into a lot of things around here?

[nullificates]

Here, there, sometimes, not at all, all the time!

What are you?

[fluorite]

[ Oh, so definitely poking his nose into things all the time. Fai assumes he just doesn't want to give away whatever he's found.

Honestly? Fair. ]

A traveling wizard~

[ He laughs. Is he being serious? Who knows. ]

[nullificates]

Are you saying you cast spells?

[fluorite]

I do know one or two spells, yes.

[ But can he cast them...? ]

[nullificates]

Abracadabra, Simsalabim! Is it like this? What do your spells do? Tell me, wizard, I'm dying to know!

[fluorite]

You can't expect me to give away all my secrets, can you? Magicians rely on the element of surprise, you know.

[nullificates]

You said wizard, there's a big difference between a wizard and a magician, you see? Much more sleight of hand on the latter!

[fluorite]

But wizards can participate in sleight of hand, can't they?

[nullificates]

Point to Fai!

[fluorite]

I'll gladly take this win!

[ It lets him get away with saying nothing, after all! Although, maybe a detective such as Dazai prefers that. ]