001 | video; un: grethorparadise

[unprimed]

[Tendi looks thoughtful, maybe even a little concerned. When she speaks, it's a bit stilted, as if she's rehearsed this. Very Serious. Anyway.

... ... ... there is first a deep sigh. And then:]

Hello, humans of Aldrip. I know there's a lot going on, but I have a question for all of you. For science.

[Is she really going to ask this??? Yep. She is. She's really going for it. Here goes nothing.]

Please tell me about your body hair. Also, where and when you're from. Again, this is for science. [ahem] Thank you.

[there is context here, i swear]

Comments

voice; un:curtaincall

[endcaller]

At last!

A productive topic of conversation.

[unprimed]

Oh, wow, you know, I wasn't expecting this much enthusiasm in a response, but sure, we'll go with it. Lay it on me, Username Curtaincall.

voice, un: fauna

[nightwild]

What.

What?

What.

[unprimed]

What??

Hello? Um, are you...okay? over there?

un: 21.34.55.89.144

[ashaya]

Curious.

[ he knows exactly what kind of lack of knowledge would have inspired this, but you know. it's funnier if she tells him herself. ]

[unprimed]

Don't you lay that Old Scientist vague cryptononsense on me! You know what this is about! I KNOW you know what this is about!!!

video; un: tsuna27

[theskyaccepts]

Uh....I'm Tsuna? From Namimori, Japan, Earth. And it's 200X, last I checked.

[X being sometime in the late 2000s/Early 2010s]

But also...why?

[unprimed]

Hi Tsuna from Namimori, Japan! Thanks for answering!

You know what, that is a very fair question, and I definitely do have an answer that makes sense and is NOT weird at all. But it's very-- uh, scientific, so let's just say I'm working on tracing some genetics that are...very particular to humans.

voice, un: tangofoxtrot

[fleetcaptain]

For science.

[ Really. ]

Before I decide if I want to participate, can I see the IRB plan and the informed consent forms?

[unprimed]

I was working on that, but lacking an institution or board to submit a review to, I've hit a roadblock and I'm going rogue. I'll accept all consequences but I can't accept not knowing!

[a beat.]

...Because this whole thing is super weird and honestly I'm not gonna be able to sleep until I know more.

voice; un: what

[starringsecond]

There's better ways of asking about someone's hair care routine.

1/2

[unprimed]

What?? Oh. No. [She snorts. Like. that's just her laugh.] No, my hair is totally fine, and besides, there's nothing like Orion molecular repair conditioner--

text; un: goo

[mightymorphin]

[Sorry, it's too tempting to mess with her.]

Morph, Earth circa November 1997. and I only have body hair when I decide to grow it myself.

[unprimed]

[A GASP. Oh right, the shapeshifter person! She takes everything about this completely at face value for the time being because she's just so fascinated.]

That makes total sense!! So. Okay. Where do I start. You like. you don't have any, normally?? How do you
I mean
Hair is designed to protect skin and other sensitive areas from the elements, right. It regulates temperature, protects eyes from dust, sweat, germ molecules, all of that-- so how do you protect yourself from that stuff with no hair?
That's the whole THING for mammals!

video. @wild.flower

[hasitsthorns]

[ Oh, finally, another fun topic. ]

Well, being female, I know mine isn't as abundant as males but-! I do have it in the usual places of head, armpits, and down below.

Naturally curly and blond, too!

I'm from the 2020s. Earth? Specifically, Japan! Most Asian people aren't known for their body hair though, honestly.

[unprimed]

I mean, I'm not sure ANY people are...usually known for their body hair??

Well. It's kind of a thing on Orion, with some people, and like yeah sure body hair is important, but when you make it your whole personality it's just sort of lame but-- okay anyway. So you-- don't have it anywhere else? I thought humans had hair on their arms and legs too?

voice; un: principal

[nuraridouman]

I've only got one question:

Why??

[unprimed]

Okay, but that's the same question everyone else is asking! Why is everyone so interested in why??

voice, un: junpei

[coolerjunpei]

[girl what. this is very funny but also GIRL WHAT, so,]

This going to turn into some roundabout way of asking people for their nude photos? I mean, come on.

[unprimed]

What? No, come on! If I was looking for visual evidence, I'd want to myself, but it's not like someone has to be TOTALLY nude for that, right, like chest hair is a thing--

[Oh. Wait. The whole ethics thing.]

But it's also been brought to my attention that I've yet to get proper IRB approval for anything like this, so I'll stick to gathering anecdotal evidence for now.

[spidermenaces]

Miss Tendi

I'm concerned

[unprimed]

Concerned??
What?
Why?
There's LITERALLY NOTHING to be concerned about, Peter!
It's just science!

@stampede;

[skelters]

Is that important?

[ for science??? ]

[unprimed]

Well, yeah? I mean. Kind of. Like. I'm pretty sure mammals are supposed to have body hair. But apparently in some timelines humans just evolve it away and I'm like, "come on, that's not how evolution works, and also, have fun not regulating your body temperature anymore!" am I right? [She laughs. Apparently she has made some sort of private joke that only she finds funny.

... ... ... anyway.]

So I'm trying to figure out if this is some kind of universal thing, because if it is, then humans are pretty weird, and if it isn't, then apparently it's only my humans that are weird.

un: Piscesblack, voice

[bonobos]

[ daaaamn ok he just whistled very loudly. ]

Damn! Didn’t realize you were freaky like that.

Since you’re so curious, I’ll tell you. [ please, ] I’m as smooth as a baby. Shaving those nooks and crannies ain’t easy.

I’m from uhhhh, pretty far into the future, apparently? Earth is history to us. Where I’m from is kinda a loaded question but I guess the answer is the planet Arsla, which is the sticks of the galaxy. There isn’t shit out there.

[unprimed]

[Oh wow everything about this particular answer is extra wild. Where to start!!]

Well, if knowing is half the battle, it sounds like we're both becoming pretty well equipped for it! [ha ha...ha...that was a dumb joke, anyway--] Wait, so-- you get rid of your hair? On purpose? Can you tell me why?

As for "far in the future," it might depend on who you talk to! Are you talking like pre-24th century? Post? I've never heard of Arsla, but then-- there are whole sections of the galaxy that we still haven't explored yet, in my time.

text | un: gwenstacy

[arachnerina]

[Gwen doesn't know Tendi very well, just a handful of interactions at STEM, but she can't ignore this one.]

um
sorry
*what*?

[Did Peter do this, somehow?]

[unprimed]

[close, gwen, but wrong unhinged stem club dude]

What? Why do so many people keep asking "what?" I mean, I thought body hair was pretty clear?

text un: wunderwagner

[digthefuzz]

um what do you need to know about body hair???

un: (default)

[traumaticus]

What is the objective of this query?

un: senpai

[drugsnotclubs]

[......Whatever, he's answered weirder questions. Also she's green so chances are she's not human. Guess we're doing this as a distraction from the fighting over the AI!]

From Japan, on Earth. 2009.

Mine's brown and black. It's thickest on my head and under my arms. Lighter on the arms and chest, picks up again under the navel and down the legs. I think that's typical for humans, but I know some people grow it thicker than others.

What about you and your... Type of people. [he doesn't know what green people call themselves sorry tendi]

video; un: kurama

[sinningtree]

Curious. Is there a reason you're concerned about the evolution of human body hair?

[For Science is not very specific, and that's quite a niche topic to be invested in, especially under current circumstances. Is this actually Important right now?]

[unprimed]

Yes! Because apparently certain timelines humans just-- evolved their body hair away and I can't stop thinking about how totally inefficient that is from a genetics standpoint! Like! Why would a feature that's so important for body chemistry just phase out like that?? It's one hundred percent the opposite of what natural selection is supposed to do!

[oh no now she's ranting, so sorry Kurama--]

video

[feintofhart]

Wow, that's some timing you've got there.

So? What are your findings? Stuck with a bunch of hairy humans, or what?

[unprimed]

[A little groan.] I know, I know, but this whole thing is driving me nuts and I can't stop thinking about it!

It's-- the opposite, actually. I feel like I'm learning a bunch of wild things about humans that just don't make any sense from an evolutionary standpoint.

video UN:Sora

[valiantarms]

Um...body hair?

[Just going to blush and stare because what?]

[unprimed]

I-- yeah? You know...hair on your body?? [She holds up an arm and points at it.]

video; un: jorker

[chemex]

[Akira looks briefly dumbfounded.]

Trying to figure out how these two topics relate.

Video; un: IDRILA

[paragonknight]

Body care is one of my obligations as a Knight of Beauty—caring for hair that is found on the body is no exception. While sculpting the outward image does pale in comparison to one's inner beauty it should not go unaddressed just the same.

video; un: dr.mccoy

[homeostatic]

( o-okay there, Tendi. he squints at her in the screen, seems to think about it for a sec, and glances down inside his shirt with a look of puzzlement.

McCoy lets his collar snap back into place, and shifts aside to show her a hairy arm on camera. )

Are you...working on a hypothesis or something?