dazai osamu radio show, #...4???????

[nullificates]

(you know that voice. you know it. you simply do.)

Good afternoon, Aldrip, ladies, gentlemen, everything in between, clowns, twats, twits, everyone, gather around, this is the Dazai Radio Show! As you know, blablablabla, we fought some strange things, got some gadgets, went to the desert, talked to a very handsome fairy man -- (dazai's voice becomes muffled, as he speaks into the distance,) did someone even get his number? For no particular reasons-- No? Ugh, really?! Fine, fine. Anyway, that is not what I was going to get at! Today, we have no news, but instead, let's get to our roots! This is our advice program. Need help with a girl? I'm here for you! Need help with a boy? Get better taste! Fufufufufufu!!!!!

Want to prank your idiot roommate so he can't ever reach for the sugar?! I got you! Want to build a death trap above your bed?! I got you! Ah, let's hear what the community has to say! Please, Aldrip, speak! We are all here for you!

Comments

[murderingjustice]

Good. Suffer you creep.

[Now it's his turn to pull a disgusted face, as if thinking two grown men (or rather SKK) being an "item" would be gross.]

No you're not. But you're still sharing a connection. If you truly loathe him as much as you claim it makes me wonder why.

[nullificates]

Ah. So that's the issue? We loathe each other because we share a connection. I can count on him with my life at any given minute, and he does exactly what I need done - because I knew he would, and he knows I would, too. It's a stupid, disgusting, unwilling symbiosis that if either of us were to truly step away, both of us would die. It's been like this from the moment we met when we were children, down to now.

[murderingjustice]

[Okay, that makes sense. And also, kinda relatable.]

So, you wouldn't hate him if he was just another insignificant person on your way? It's the human factor that you can't stand in each other.

[nullificates]

You put it like that as if that makes sense to me perfectly! 'No Longer Human' doesn't tell you anything?! I'm bad at that part, you know! Fufufufu...!! Ah, but yes, I think I'd bully him as I bully anyone.

[murderingjustice]

Maybe. I do wonder whether you truly are as despicable as the hero of that story.

[He can see the similarities but also the cracks.]

But if your connection is rooted in mutual hatred then why take it a step above that. You could easily leave him to be as nothing but a pawn, someone to call when needed.

[nullificates]

Because you're missing an important part. I don't call. He just knows. He doesn't call. I just know. I use him as a pawn, rather often, but it can never just be that. You don't know our story, do you? At all?

[murderingjustice]

No. All I know is what you've told me here. Chuuya-san did mention you having a partnership of sorts here, but that it would be evoked once you find your way back.

[nullificates]

Oh, naturally. I left the Port Mafia years ago. We currently work together on common goals, after all.

[murderingjustice]

Hm.
So, you're together here because it's beneficial to your cause. But at the same time this place allows you to play out the cards that you've lost in your true reality. What happens here stays here, after all.

[He thinks for a brief moment.]

You say it's symbiosis but it might as well be addiction. Either way, it doesn't sound healthy. Is it truly worth the destruction it'll cause?

[nullificates]

(sorta, kinda. they truly do like each other, but are disgusted by it at the same time. a soul that has been separated, humanity a link. dazai's own lack of, and chuuya's abundance, and the paradox that their relationship is.)

I've told you, nothing really is. It is what it is. Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it, theeeeerefore, there’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering. I don't like pain. That said, I won't remember when I return. I won't lose something I have never had, so I'll let myself see a little. Besides, I've fucked him over way too many times, and I've abandoned him too many times, too. It seems to me that my ghosting and disappearing act hardly works anymore.

[murderingjustice]

[Well.. that is a lot to take in but Dazai actually drops info that he didn't have before]

Why do you think you won't remember anything when you return? [Akira and his friends had remembered everything that went down in Maruki's reality after all.]

[nullificates]

Because I went back, and I didn't. Fy went back, and spent months, which were mere minutes to him, and he didn't remember. So, from data?

[murderingjustice]

[Right. Dazai had disappeared for a while a few months ago. Akechi remembers Chuuya's desperation.. So that where he went? How.. interesting, as far as he knew those who had been "sentenced" and disappeared for good. But that the life went on for them as if nothing had happened? Now, that does raise more questions about this place and just what is their purpose.

But that's not the topic here. Because Dazai also dropped him information that feels like a rope around his throat, slowly tightening. They won't remember a thing. It's just like with Maruki.

Akira won't be hurt by this..]

Hah. [a quiet, forced laughter.] So nothing we do here matters in the long run. Is this why you despair?

[nullificates]

To the contrary, Akechi-kun. That's why I don't despair. I've lost something important to me, as you happened to dangle in front of me before. I won't go through it if I don't remember, you see?

(does it make sense? to understand oneself through understanding others is such a trip - akechi's not dazai's problem, absolutely not. this one, he has left for fyodor, but planting a seed in the boy doesn't sound so bad either.)

[murderingjustice]

Spoken like a true coward. [if Dazai had offered him any of that whiskey he'd be making a toast right now. Stay classic, Dazai-san.]

Ah. You mean Ango-san and Oda-san? I suppose that makes sense. Considering how close you three were in my own world.

[nullificates]

Or perhaps someone sane! Who likes to lose and suffer?

(the sigh he gives. the information that he will give about this is controlled, filtered, but he'll give some either way.)

The fact you say 'close' and it doesn't come with anything else afterwards, shows me that your world and mine did not agree with some things. Either way, while you I know you're attempting to use my relationship with that stupid snail as a parameter to yours, I'll tell you - it won't work. Akira and Chuuya are not that similar. The person you should project him onto-- is Odasaku.

[murderingjustice]

It's life. [He just gives you a flat look. Pain of losing is essential part of one's life and something you just can't avoid. The Phantom Thieves had fought so hard to escape from the false world, which promised only makeshift happiness and illusions. But really. He doesn't have energy to argue about this further with Osamu Dazain. A man who famously was so disconnected from the world around him.

A little bit like him. Even if for different reasons.]

I'm not projecting, idiot. [okay, maybe he is. but not as directly as Dazai suggests] And unfortunately I don't know this 'Odasaku'. And you don't know Akira.

[nullificates]

OdaSaku-nosuke. I know enough about Akira to know that that boy exudes goodness in him, regardless of what he's done or will ever do. Even if there's darkness in there, it's embraced by light - and worst of all! He's stupid. Humble. A boy like that can save the world and not even think anything of it. Or, do I happen to be wrong?

[murderingjustice]

[He presses his lips into a thin line. What Dazai says isn't necessarily easy thing listen to.

Because that assessment isn't incorrect. It actually gets very close to truth of Akira Kurusu. All while reminding Akechi just how he hates his rival. That brilliance that shines too hard, the bleeding heart that'll want to save even the worst out there. Always accepting, understanding and willing to forgive. The complete opposite of what Akechi is. He wants to destroy while Akira mends. All more reasons why they shouldn't be together, right?]

No. You are correct. He's an idiot, unbelievably so. He sells himself for so cheap, trusting all kinds of wrong people. Eager to forgive even those who have wronged him in the worst ways.

[nullificates]

He's a man with no ulterior motive, Akechi-kun. And here's what it all comes down to - being around a man like that changes you. I think someone like you would find that sort of proposal a weakening of one's own capabilities. That's what it will come down to, if you ask me. You can change, because I have, and I am trying to. Otherwise, that's where your so-called destruction lies. It won't be of him, it will be of you.

(difficult, isn't it? this is what akechi called dazai for. this is the punch to the gut he's willing to give the other.)

[murderingjustice]

[It's not easy thing to hear, no. Something in Akechi's body language shifts and scoffs at the air.]

Have you? Truly? People like us don't change, Dazai-san. We are too broken, too disconnected from what they'd call life or humanity to do that.

cw suicide

[nullificates]

Ah, maybe we don't -- but isn't the effort telling in itself? Although you have snippets of information, you don't know what I've done, and truth be told, I don't feel any particular way about it. That said, I use all my skills towards saving others, even if sometimes the methods aren't aligned. Up, down, up, down -- just the fact I am genuinely trying is enough change for someone whose main point in life is to leave it.

[murderingjustice]

You don't know what I've done either. It wasn't a simple murder.

[it wasn't a mafia but a freaking conspiracy to take over a nation, all cultivated because of a freaking god and his social experiment. organization that breathed the same air as yakuza, even if in total secrecy. Akechi had been the hit man of the cause, his list is long and red like the hunger years. And the deaths he caused were not pretty.]

Isn't pretending to be able to change just crueler, though? Dangling the hope in front of someone without being able to deliver? Wouldn't it just be better not to lie.

[nullificates]

That's the thing, though. I don't care about what you've done. I care what are you going to do from here on out.

(it feels like talking to kyouka, if instead of being a 13-year-old serial killer, she was a teenage boy with a sea of angst. so what if there was murder? who in his proximity hasn't committed one or two hundred?)

I don't think you're understanding me correctly, so allow me to be blunt! Giving a shit enough to try is change in itself. I know for a fact I won't ever be perfect, nor will I ever find what I am looking for. However, life's a little bit more interesting, or perhaps even a tiny part tolerable and bearable like this.

[murderingjustice]

Yet you talk like I should care about your past. As if you were the big bad monster of our nightmares. Ridiculous.

[Because really, Akechi isn't interested in a pissing contest on who's more awful. As far as he's concerned they're on the same starting point]

So that is your answer. [Destruction is inevitable, but do it for your own sake. Be it amusement or fabricated sense of hope.]