osamu "vodka aunt" dazai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nullificates) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationnet2023-05-18 08:26 pm
nullificates) wrote in expiationnet2023-05-18 08:26 pm
a serious report for ONCE
(for once, he's not smiling. there's none of his sunshine-y, toddler-like disposition, this is some serious shit.)
As you hear this, do not hang up. This is not a radio show edition, but rather a report. My name is Dazai Osamu, and where I'm from, I'm one of the detectives of the Armed Detective Agency - an institution focused on solving crimes considered too violent or difficult for the metropolitan police to handle, usually pertaining to supernatural events, or ability users.
I am disclosing this as I have information that is of public interest. As some of you know, certain individuals have been inflicted with markings upon their body, and as far as I am able to tell, they all relate to the personal stories of an individual. They do not come alone though. The symptom that has been most observed is a desire to roam the forest, as it repeats itself. I urge that if you must go to the forest, you do not do it on your own. I believe this is the source of the curse, after all.
Secondly, there has been some mental effects as reported, and I would also like to urge you to not approach Nikolai Gogol, the man with long white hair and clown attire, at this time for your own safety, and keep a fair distance as much as you can from him from all directions if possible. Sorry, dear, I'm petrified of you!
(he's not, but alas, he is putting his homie on blast, either way? please, don't mess with the murder clown who has pocket dimension abilities?)
Furthermore, I put forward my own assistance on the matters at hand. I myself am an ability user, and while I won't explicitly explain all the minutia of what I'm able to do, I possess a nullifying ability that has been proven to work on the current issue at hand, so if you feel like you need grounding or if something goes too out of control, please call me, so I am able to nullify it for you until you are safe.
Hopefully, next time I come to speak to you all, it's much more fun than this. Take care of each other and let me know if help is needed.
As you hear this, do not hang up. This is not a radio show edition, but rather a report. My name is Dazai Osamu, and where I'm from, I'm one of the detectives of the Armed Detective Agency - an institution focused on solving crimes considered too violent or difficult for the metropolitan police to handle, usually pertaining to supernatural events, or ability users.
I am disclosing this as I have information that is of public interest. As some of you know, certain individuals have been inflicted with markings upon their body, and as far as I am able to tell, they all relate to the personal stories of an individual. They do not come alone though. The symptom that has been most observed is a desire to roam the forest, as it repeats itself. I urge that if you must go to the forest, you do not do it on your own. I believe this is the source of the curse, after all.
Secondly, there has been some mental effects as reported, and I would also like to urge you to not approach Nikolai Gogol, the man with long white hair and clown attire, at this time for your own safety, and keep a fair distance as much as you can from him from all directions if possible. Sorry, dear, I'm petrified of you!
(he's not, but alas, he is putting his homie on blast, either way? please, don't mess with the murder clown who has pocket dimension abilities?)
Furthermore, I put forward my own assistance on the matters at hand. I myself am an ability user, and while I won't explicitly explain all the minutia of what I'm able to do, I possess a nullifying ability that has been proven to work on the current issue at hand, so if you feel like you need grounding or if something goes too out of control, please call me, so I am able to nullify it for you until you are safe.
Hopefully, next time I come to speak to you all, it's much more fun than this. Take care of each other and let me know if help is needed.
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ah, maybe over a nice dinner? i'll even cook!
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But it's a bit late to turn around now don't you think?
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you owe me new shoes. i'm mad at you.
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[ ...Yet. Dazai you're too smart to not know it's a "haven't done anything terrible yet."]
Anywayy I do believe I have places to be so that's it for now. Toodaloo!