near the end of july, audio

[bonobos]

[ he’s been sitting on it for awhile. eventually, much to his chagrin, the guilt comes to a head; it’s a voice message sent to all of the chosen. ]

…The Gnosia were from my home.

They almost killed me twice. I guess three times now if we count what just happened.

When you’re Gnosia, it doesn’t matter what your heart screams or what your mind tells you. There’s somethin’ in you that needs to kill people no matter what. Back on the DQO, I saw… some of my crewmates… people who weren’t bad guys turn totally different after they got infected. It’s like night and day. You can’t do jack about it. Nobody knows where it came from either.

[ there’s a beat. ]

All I’m sayin’ is… if you need someone to blame, or be mad at or whatever, you can take it out on me. None of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t here. Even I ain’t dumb enough to deny that. So yeah.

Comments

voice; un:curtaincall

[endcaller]

[The usual playful lilt is gone from Fandaniel's voice. He sounds cold and hollow.]

What makes you so certain that this nonsense was your fault? It seems that this world is able to drag many things out of ours.

I am the only Chosen here from Etheirys but Chocobos are from there too. If people and beasts alike appear in Expiation, why not some manner of infection?

[bonobos]

[ it sounds like a point he’d make, so he understands it well. but, unfortunately— ]

I uh, had this memory play out in my mind a few months back. And it was me blowing the entire universe to bits.

So I think I mighta fucked something up here. Just my guess.

[endcaller]

You say memory...

Was it a premonition? A dream?

Or was it an event that you felt truly happened?

audio; un: grethorparadise

[unprimed]

Wh-- hey, don't say that! Just because they come from your universe doesn't mean it's your fault that it happened. It's not like you asked to be brought here!

[bonobos]

[ a wave of the hand. ]

I dunno, maybe I fucked up. Did somethin’ wrong, or coulda done somethin’ better, hell if I know… it wouldn’t be the first time.

Everyone wants someone to blame. I’m just giving them the option.

[ a beat. ]

You’re soft, though. Be careful with that.

[unprimed]

Well, yeah, but maybe you didn't. Maybe it was whatever brought us here, and blaming yourself for something that something else did just makes it harder to do something about it, right? Because then people are too busy blaming you. I mean, I've cataloged tons of alien diseases and infections from tons of different planets. If any one of them could be brought here, shouldn't we be focusing on fixing that problem instead of blaming someone who didn't even do it??

[OOF, she's rambling. So she stops there, huffing out a soft sigh. He's right, of course; she's "gone soft." Madame G said so too. But she still doesn't think it's a bad thing.] Soft or not, I just-- I don't think it does any good to take that on yourself. For you, or for anyone else. It's not like it helps us get to the root of the problem.

audio; un: dawnlord

[cartridgerefill]

Ah, my adorable Sha-Ming. I respect that you take responsibility, but we cannot undo the past.

We can only move forward from here.

Would you like some company?

[bonobos]

[ he finds himself at a loss as to how to answer-- it's... not a response he expects. tension coagulates in his shoulders, and a silence passes before he speaks up. seeing him would be nice, even if his mind veering towards isolation, but-- ]

I know. But it's just-- how do you stop thinkin' about it?

[ a surprisingly honest admission. ]

How do you move on?

[ this isn't just about the gnosia, is it? ]

[cartridgerefill]

I never stop thinking about it. My triumphs, my failures. They will always exist. Yet, those things also excite me. They motivate me to work that much harder, truthfully. To me, today's mistakes are simply tomorrow's opportunities.

However, that is merely how I work. This isn't going to be true for other people. It may not even be true for you. Either way, it's not what I consider to be a flaw, but an aspect of a person. Nonetheless, I trust there will be a time you can move on from this incident, Sha-Ming.

text, un: braver

[identitycrisiscore]

[ Frankly, you're lucky you're getting this out of him, Sha-Ming. Cloud's not exactly up for small talk right now. Even less than he usually is. ]

what exactly could you have done, anyway
tell the bastards who run this place "please don't import the psycho killing instinct virus"
come on
stop giving them free cover

[bonobos]

[ unfortunately, cloud strife's got a point! ]

People always want someone to blame.

Just thought it would make things easier if I gave 'em a target.

[ he doesn't say it-- "i don't want people to hate each other over this." ]

That includes you, you know.

[murderingjustice]

so. what do you suggest we do with you?

[bonobos]

[ oh god not this guy. ]

I mean. I dunno? I guess you could torture me if ya want. I'm pretty good at begging and crying if anyone wants me to do that.

[invinciblemikey]

shut the fuck up sha-min

most of us have got something fucked up from home if not you someone else would be feeling this way

the problem is this place, not that you came from yours and ended up here

[bonobos]

[ mikey... ]

It just feels like it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't here, yanno?

I dunno. I...

I don't hate this place the way everyone else does.

[ there are things for him here. people he cares about. he thinks about minato and his jaw tenses. ]

Just... thought if I gave people someone to blame, they'd feel better.

audio

[garbagecanned]

Dude, if it wasn't this it would've been something else.

[even though he'd been a Gnosia... and he'd killed someone. it gives him chills. makes him feel a little sick.

but he doesn't let it show in his voice -- at least they're on an audio feed and not a video one.]

Not your fault they dragged something from your world here.

[bonobos]

Thought if someone took responsibility for they'd feel better. People love scapegoats, yeah?

[ then comes a sigh. the logic isn't incorrect. ]

Coulda been anything else... but I wish it wasn't this. We all got fucked in the end. I...

I didn't want things to turn out like this.

voice; un: kurama

[sinningtree]

We are brought here against our will and from my understanding those infected also acted against their own will. Your message only confirms that suspicion, and the ones responsible for this would be those who pulled us here from our homes.

Unless you are the one who created this infection in the first place, you can hardly blame yourself for it existing.

[bonobos]

Yeah. I know you're right in the end. Still hard to feel like it isn't my fault. I have no idea where this crap came from, but it's followed me on three different planets now.

I... don't want anything like this to happen again. But how the hell do we even stop something like this?

[private text]

[cursegod]

Thanks, I'll take this as permission to beat the shit out of you.

[BOY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!!]

[bonobos]

[ hold up ]

Sorry, the sex was totally on you. No takebacks.

voice; un: misscoordinator

[coordinatroll]

Oh, I wouldn't be so quick to lay all the blame on you.

[ Her voice comes off a little stiff, not quite as upbeat and perky as usual... but recent events made it hard to maintain her normal aura of cheerfulness, so this will have to do. ]

If it wasn't that, something else from another world could be brought over here and result in roughly the same. In fact, I'd say it's a net positive that we now know this can happen!

[bonobos]

You really think so? I thought everyone would be eager as hell to pin it on someone, but...

I guess people here aren't your average scumbags. Shit, now I look bad.

I'm just glad we all went back to normal after killing each other. But how the hell do we deal with stuff like this in the future?

voice; un: fuckoff

[avitus]

That's stupid. It's not like you went and brought it here on purpose to take over the city or whatever. It's the Council that does this crap, isn't it?

[all the more reason to kick their asses....]

[bonobos]

Much as I hate those chumps, I don't think they did this one on purpose. Sometimes shit just happens. Gnosia infection's one of those things.

I was just tryin' to put a bandaid on it...but I guess you've all got like, honor and principles or whatever.