near the end of july, audio

[bonobos]

[ he’s been sitting on it for awhile. eventually, much to his chagrin, the guilt comes to a head; it’s a voice message sent to all of the chosen. ]

…The Gnosia were from my home.

They almost killed me twice. I guess three times now if we count what just happened.

When you’re Gnosia, it doesn’t matter what your heart screams or what your mind tells you. There’s somethin’ in you that needs to kill people no matter what. Back on the DQO, I saw… some of my crewmates… people who weren’t bad guys turn totally different after they got infected. It’s like night and day. You can’t do jack about it. Nobody knows where it came from either.

[ there’s a beat. ]

All I’m sayin’ is… if you need someone to blame, or be mad at or whatever, you can take it out on me. None of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t here. Even I ain’t dumb enough to deny that. So yeah.

Comments

[unprimed]

Well, yeah, but maybe you didn't. Maybe it was whatever brought us here, and blaming yourself for something that something else did just makes it harder to do something about it, right? Because then people are too busy blaming you. I mean, I've cataloged tons of alien diseases and infections from tons of different planets. If any one of them could be brought here, shouldn't we be focusing on fixing that problem instead of blaming someone who didn't even do it??

[OOF, she's rambling. So she stops there, huffing out a soft sigh. He's right, of course; she's "gone soft." Madame G said so too. But she still doesn't think it's a bad thing.] Soft or not, I just-- I don't think it does any good to take that on yourself. For you, or for anyone else. It's not like it helps us get to the root of the problem.

[bonobos]

I guess space is just like that, huh? Didn't peg as you as another space case. But even out of all of the shit I've seen... Gnosia's different. It fucks with reality. I don't think I've ever seen a disease do that, man.

...You aren't wrong though. I dunno, I just...

Didn't wanna see people at each other's throats over this, I guess. I know there are a lot of hurt feelings going around, sensitive feelings and all of that. But people here-- they ain't... bad. Maybe I just wanted to remind people that their friends are still their friends.

[unprimed]

Most people see green and space is the first thing they think of. [Her attempt at a laugh is soft and half-hearted, but at least it's an attempt.] ... I've never seen anything like that, either. Not a disease, at least. There are lots of beings that can mess with reality, but...nothing quite like that.

[There's a case to be made there for the organic nature of diseases and infections. Something about bacterial organisms counting as life forms -- but that's not the point, really.]

... I don't think you need to martyr yourself to keep the peace, here. But I appreciate what you're trying to do. It-- ...it's good to remind people that they're more than what they did during that time. So...thanks for that.