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( marc still isn't entirely sure where he falls on the 'is this actually real?' question he's asked himself more than a handful of times since finding himself here, since finding the parchment with his crime(s).

still: it feels real enough, and for now that's enough.

he's dressed in a suit — it's white in its entirety, with small crescent moons serving as buttons and cufflinks. it's — fine. it's an outfit that says he — before here, at least — probably spent a small fortune on dry cleaning, and begs the question of how long it's going to stay looking Like That (answer: not long).

with one leg crossed over the other, there's a breath of a pause before he speaks. this isn't how he normally does this, but then, this isn't normal by any — even his — definition of the word. )

My name is Mr. Knight. ( is it? of course not, but there's nothing to marc's demeanour that says otherwise; and for those familiar, his accent says 'chicago!' ) I'm a priest. ( certainly, by A Definition, and by that, we mean 'by marc spector's definition and no-one else's, except (maybe) an ancient egyptian moon god's'. )

At home, I ran a mission — the Midnight Mission — through which I protected my community and my people. Travellers of the night. ( a breath of a pause and he holds up a hand (gloved, white, because of course) and gestures vaguely at his surroundings. ) A change in circumstances doesn't change my duty. If there's anyone that requires help or assistance with, ( at night, because marc is Dedicated, ), no matter how strange or unusual, please don't hesitate to reach out.

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[Ah.

Well, that's a matter of its own, isn't it? Kisara's expression softens to something that is more understanding than it is sympathetic. She can admit that she's not always been the best conversationalist. She does her best, but she doesn't have a refined tongue. She'd never be particularly good at convincing anyone of anything. But she is incredibly observant and has some strikingly good intuition, especially when it comes to people she cares for.

Working as part of a team...]

This seems like as good an opportunity as any to get some practise in, don't you think? Start small. If it's something you really want, I don't see any reason you couldn't do it. As long as you remind yourself that nothing happens overnight.

( no.

is his instinctual reaction. he's sure it's not meant to be condescending — she doesn't know him, is probably just presuming he's socially awkward (he's not, he's just socially difficult), or has an ego (he ... does, but not like that) — and yet. 'start small', 'practise'.

god.

he leans forward a little, a frown pulling at his features. carefully, deliberately— )

The last team I worked with want nothing more to do with me. Not because I'm bad at teamwork in the sense of doesn't play well with others, ( in truth, he thinks most of the avengers is made up of people who fit that description, ), but because they don't know what I might do.

If I wanted to start small, I'd join a soccer team.

["...but because they don't know what I might do."

The words are heavily said. Filled with thought and consideration. She isn't wholly certain of what he means, but it just sounds like...

Well. It sounds like they didn't have his back. Or... they thought he wouldn't have theirs? Just what is it about him? What's the issue here? How did this happen? She has a good number of questions, but knows that she's not in a place where she should ask. Not right now.]

I guess it comes down to what you want then. No one knows that better than you.

( marc's used to having his reputation precede him. it's not something he's always enjoyed, not when he's taken the time to sit and think about what he wants versus what he's doing. he's not frank castle, it's not expected that killing is his go-to choice of dealing with problems, but it's expected that he sits somewhere around there and that if you encounter moon knight, you better hope he's been having a good day.

because the stories haven't gone away — "they say all these things about you. about moon knight. about what you used to do to people.". it's never been something he's shied away from, and it's had its benefits. it's been useful in more ways than one.

but it's also never been something he's had to spell out. it's never been something he's had to explain, and he's not sure he'd even know how to. of course, he's made remarks here and there — not-quite-offhandedly to reese, mostly; and had the odd conversation with tigra — about people thinking you're 'crazy' (and being right), about regrets and penance.

but the truth is, one some days, he likes it. not the lack of normality, not the fact that what he's done and does has driven away marlene with their daughter, not that it's driven away jean-paul and rob. crawley. gena and her boys.

he doesn't like any of that, but he likes being moon knight.

or: what marc spector wants doesn't often align with what marc spector does. )

What a person wants isn't always what's best for them. Or anyone else.

Edited 2023-02-23 08:50 (UTC)

That's true, too.

[Wants are, more often than not, selfish things. Kisara has to wonder when she last thought what she wanted. But maybe that comes with the territory of being a servant. Except 'servant' might be a word too kind. What she's really coming to learn is that though she was led to believe her life was better under the hold of Dohalim's leadership, she and the other Dahnans were as much slaves as the ones in the other regions.

Slaves don't have wants. They're trained—groomed—not to have them. They learn that wants are concepts too lofty for them to hold in-hand.

Not that she thinks Marc is anything like that. She can't honestly tell, though. He says a lot of things she agrees with, but that doesn't mean they have parallels drawing them together. Kisara's not arrogant enough to think it.]

But sometimes it can be a good thing. For them. For others. There's not always a way to know without looking at it more closely. If we only ever denied things from the very beginning, we could make fatal errors.

[Like her with her brother. If she had listened to him, if she had not outright refused to hear him, he might be here now. Nothing is black and white, it seems.]

( marc tends not to associate success with wants — or at the very least, he tends not to associate it with marc spector's wants. steven and jake, sure, maybe. sometimes. jake wanted friends, was good with people and he'd had them — gena and her boys, crawley — whilst marc had ruined those relationships; steven wanted... well, steven was a little more complex. marc had known him the longest, and steven had wanted to bury marc in the past, bury him in egypt. sometimes he thinks that marlene had wanted that, too — and why not? steven was urbane, charming, a suave financier where marc was a blunt tool. he'd ruined that, too.

what marc wants is normality, but he's not ever going to achieve that, not for as long as he's him and he's khonshu toy.

he wants, too, to be a better person, but he's considered himself as someone able to achieve that as himself: moon knight, mr. knight — both are tools (of sorts) to an end, both more capable and more successful of being good than marc's ever been when left to be marc spector.

which is a long way of saying: he thinks they're looking at it from vastly different angles. he can't imagine a world where playing into his wants results in something good. )

That's a very neat way of saying 'it depends on individual circumstances'.

A little long-winded, wasn't it?

[Kisara laughs sheepishly.] I'm good at combat and I'm not afraid of talking to people, but if I was ever going to try to say I'm elegant, that's just not really true. Impressive with a weapon, not so much with my tongue. But it sounds like you got what I was going for.

[One size doesn't fit all was what she meant. Marc gets that, though. She suspects just based on this conversation, on the way he's having the conversation, that things are probably very complex for him. She doesn't want to ask, to pry. It's hard, however, to offer some alleviation to that weight without being overbearing.

And she knows very well she has the potential to become precisely that if she doesn't catch herself. An impassioned soul is a good thing to have in theory, but like with anything else, it requires wisdom and moderation to best use it to full potential.]

( or it might just be how marc has conversations, kisara. )

I'm good at reading between the lines, ( he says dryly, offering no other comment on kisara's 'it was long-winded' and 'inelegant tongue'. his is the sort of remark uttered in the sort of tone — that is, his conversational tone — where he could be offering it as an honest reflection of his abilities and skills, or it could be what passes for a(n almost) joke for marc.

it's punctuated by a lingering pause and he adds, ) I usually leave the talking to other people. ( as moon knight, he's very good at monologues — or verses, as he's taken to calling them — but otherwise marc is not a social man.

a shocking revelation, surely. )

That's something I can agree with. Sometimes I can say the things that need to be said and even to the right people, but the heavier-weighted conversations are usually better left to people in positions of leadership.

[Or Alphen. He's good at that kind of thing. She should figure out how to emulate that, though she imagines it's nothing more special than practise.]

But between the two of us, I don't mind picking up the slack.

[She's sure he speaks up when he needs to. At least, she hopes he does.]

( between the two of us is a to-marc odd remark that he's not entirely sure of. he hasn't said no to the concept of a team but equally, he hasn't said yes. mr. knight — pointedly not marc — tends to walk a thin line between trying to appear and be helpful, polite, a good member of society, and tempering expectations. as he'd said to waxman: the moon changes and though marc wouldn't classify himself as changeable as all that, he's certainly fostered a reputation for being unpredictable.

(but then, it comes back to that old thing of not being known here). )

Most people are capable of saying the right thing some of the time. I've never trusted anyone that's been able to say the right thing all or even most of the time.

( marc and authority: not a good mix. it's as close as marc will get to saying that despite everything he's said, she doesn't seem all that bad. he doesn't hate having people with more optimistic and positive life-views around him (or: it tends to be better for him, and it's difficult to be someone who has a less positive outlook). )

Also true. Even someone who's whole life is about knowing how to talk to others is bound to make a mistake here or there. But I think that just applies to everyone about everything all of the time.

[It's a broad, all-encompassing implication that people make mistakes. And a mistake is just a mistake.]

That is, no one's perfect. Well. Usually. I've never met anyone perfect. I'm definitely not perfect. If I were, though, I probably wouldn't have anything new to learn. So I think imperfect is better. And I think mistakes are okay, too.

[How did she even get them here? Kisara's gotten them off track, she thinks, though wonders if that's intentional. Maybe it happened just so he wouldn't feel like he had expectation put on him. But the greater likelihood that it's just the organic flow of Kisara's not great conversational skills.]

( there's a lot there that marc doesn't really want to touch. he tends to view the world through a lens of 'yeah, but—'. he knows people aren't perfect, he knows that people make mistakes and he's not one to cast anyone else aside because they've made a mistake here and there, or because they've made the wrong choice once or twice (or more).

but there's a hierarchy. some mistakes are more forgivable than others, some aren't okay. imperfection is fine, up until a point. marc, in spite of everything, is a forgiving guy, but the effort has to be there. the want. the penance.

but still there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

he waves a hand as if to say 'eh', attention momentarily shifting away from the video. )

—Yeah, sure. As long as you're trying to do better. Tolerating mistakes is one thing, but it means nothing if you're using inherent imperfection as an excuse.

Also true. Maybe I just feel like it's better to try thinking the better of people instead of the worst.

[Which has certainly caused a fair share of issues. She thought the best of Dohalim, after all, and their whole group has seen what that got her. She's sure she's done it before, too with other people, other scenarios, and so on.]

There's problems with that too, and I know that. Finding the balance is hard. It's a work in progress.

[Many things about Kisara at present are a work in progress.]

( every so often, there's a part of marc that thinks 'fuck, I have done a terrible job of explaining what I mean' and instead of deciding to re-explain what he means, or even add context (which would help in the first place), he opts to leave it at that. to leave whatever the conversation is as a monumental misunderstanding.

that is: marc doesn't think the worst of people in general, he just doesn't think the best of them unless and until he knows them. there are certain people he thinks the world of; and still others he thinks the best of, but actually saying it?

no. )

I think that's life. ( a continuous work in progress, he means. )

[The idea that this guy can be so right about so many things tells Kisara that he has a lot of experience beneath his proverbial belt. It is very unlikely that much of her normal words of wisdom will do much of anything except, perhaps, to annoy him. And since she has no interest in doing that to anyone, especially someone she doesn't know particularly well, she knows when she needs to stop.]

So it is.

[After a moment's more thought.]

Either way, I look forward to seeing how your nighttime adventures go. I hope people take advantage of the offer.

[Although she hopes more that people won't be required to do a lot of nighttime adventures.]

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tl;dr marc doesn't know

that's okay, kisara doesn't know what she wants either

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