001=TEXT

[rebellions]

[ It's not often that Ragna feels the need to address a wider audience, and he's certainly not happy to do so right now, but there have been some recent... developments that are forcing his hand here, because he feels like going any longer without answers to his questions might drive him crazy. No need for introductions or context, he just gets straight to the point. ]

do people here ever find some shit for them when they wake up like there's some crazy fucking Santa Claus going around?

or hear some creepy voices when trying to use the charm things?

those... things from the desert didn't follow us here or anything, right?

[ Wait, what is he even saying? That's almost like he's admitting to being unsettled by this whole thing and he can't have this. ]

asking for a friend

[ Nailed it. ]

Comments

[rebellions]

[ ... There is. So Much to unpack here. ]

you have a rocket launcher

called "fishbones"

and it talks to you

[ That first part alone is a reason for concern, and it only goes downhill from there. But okay. Sure. Let's go with that. While he still struggles to process all that, he might as well answer her question (and wonder just how shitty her childhood and/or world must be if she's never heard of that one). ]

on old fat dude that breaks into your house and gives you presents in winter

or so they say

[ No, he will not even attempt to make it sound any less weird, deal with it. ]

[opheliac]

fishbones talks to everyone, silly!! he has a mouth. my chompers talk too. mostly among themselves since theyre all siblings and stuff. pow pow is the only one who doesnt talk much. shes more of a silent type but she LOVES to sing!

oh heeeeeyyy!! maybe thats where my gramophone came from. i woke up and it was there!

[rebellions]

do I even wanna know what the other two are...?

[ Talking weapons aren't even the wildest concept out there, though in his experience they're never a good sign. He doubts whatever she has is anywhere close to a Nox Nyctores, but he makes a mental note to avoid finding that out first-hand anyway. ]

that so? looks like christmas came early this year

and before you ask, christmas is the holiday when the old fart comes

[ He's catching on to what might need an explanation. ]

[opheliac]

why dont u wanna know? they're harmless!!! usually. chompers are pretty ticklish so u have to be careful. theyll explode in giggles.

if the fat man comes and gives us free stuff, then i love christmas! im glad its here!! happy christmas, raggie!

[rebellions]

I'll keep that in mind. wouldn't want them to blow up in my face

[ Which is to say he won't be touching any of her stuff, just to be safe.

... Aw, shit. Ragna would never openly admit it, but that is so hopelessly sweet and innocent, he can't help but smile to himself. He doesn't have a heart to correct her, and really, who cares about the details? The real Christmas is in your heart, or some crap like that. ]

yeah. merry christmas, smurfette

[opheliac]

so he got u sum clothes?
i read below.
thats not too bad!!
sum of the clothes here kinda stink.

[rebellions]

yeah they kinda do
though the ones I got are really only good for a beach

[ Which is season-appropriate, at least?? ]

[opheliac]

tight underwear?

[rebellions]

where the hell did the "tight" assumption come from??

[opheliac]

i dont know. ive seen a lot of men wear a lot of tight things.

[rebellions]

[ Somehow, the first thing that comes to his mind is his little brother's questionable taste in clothing, which makes Ragna sigh. ]

you need to hang out with men with better fashion sense

[opheliac]

hey, i dont control the customers at the last drop. they come, get drunk, fight, then leave.

[rebellions]

how original

doesn't that get boring after a while?

[opheliac]

how do u get bored at a party that happens every night?

[rebellions]

you might not believe this one, but I'm not really into parties

[opheliac]

why not? u get to meet fun people AND information.

[rebellions]

"people" and "fun" tend to be mutually exclusive in my experience

[opheliac]

so ure telling me u dont have fun w/ me?
im super hurt!!!!!!

[rebellions]

pretty sure you're not like most people
if anything, I'd say you're special
in all sorts of ways

[ Which is a very roundabout way of saying that yes, she can be fun to hang out with... without actually saying it, because he'd probably choke on his words and die if he tried. Of course, he has to make it into a slight jab at her, too, since it'd be too nice otherwise. ]

[opheliac]

awww raggie!!! ure one of my big favorites too!
u make me laugh all the time and i love it!

[rebellions]

aren't you taking it a little too far???
that's nowhere near what I said!!

[opheliac]

nope! I HAVEN'T GONE FAR ENOUGH!!!!!!!!! hahahahha!!!

[rebellions]

whatever
just make sure you don't blow yourself up or some shit
it would suck for me if someone who claims to be my "partner in crime" went out that way

[opheliac]

but what if thats my dream?!
if i want to go out in any way, it WOULD be by my own things.

[rebellions]

you're like what, 15 or something??
you've got tons of time to figure that out
don't rush into your grave, stupid