( video | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

I am curious now, considering what this world is for and what it attempts to do.

Is there a crime you would consider unforgivable? What would it be?

And if that isn't the case, what is your idea of repatriation?

Please, share your thoughts.

Comments

[incorrigibles]

what else is there?

[ he's thought about this a lot, actually. ]

and regret's not supposed to be like... good to anyone. that's not the point of regret. amends is what you're thinking of.

[nilhilistic]

Even that does not feel like enough.

[incorrigibles]

yeah, see? the fact that you feel like that means you mean the regret, which means i'd be a dick if i didn't forgive you

in, like, the spirit of things. i was never mad at you for anything so i can't forgive you anything, but you get the point

[nilhilistic]

[ it should be a relief. and yet. it fails to be.

perhaps he'll never find the right answer. ]

I suppose I have to live with it.

[incorrigibles]

that's all anyone can do, yeah?

but what do you think, then? about what'd be enough, for you to forgive yourself?

[ charles rowland here with the hard-hitting questions, ]

[nilhilistic]

No.

But it's out of my hands anyway.

[incorrigibles]

forgiving yourself? no, i don't think it is

others forgiving you, yeah, sure. but that's not all it is, is it? you wouldn't be asking all this stuff if you weren't struggling with the idea of if you should be forgiven at all.

[nilhilistic]

It is always a struggle.

But when I mean that it is out of my hands, it is simply that my opinion does not change much. It is the opinions of others I must heed in this regard.

[incorrigibles]

the opinions of us here, or those from your home?

[ because, mate, you're not heeding his opinion much at all here, are you... ]

[nilhilistic]

The opinions from home. They are the ones I wronged after all. More or less.

[incorrigibles]

[ hm, he guessed as much. ]

and what do they think? have you asked them?

[nilhilistic]

Of course. They have forgiven me.

[incorrigibles]

[ rafal???? ]

wait, what

they have? mate, that's aces

but what's the problem, then? if they've forgiven you but you refuse to think of forgiving yourself, that's not heeding them at all, is it

[nilhilistic]

I am aware.

Hence, my question. Should they be doing so at all was my concern.

[incorrigibles]

[ oh. oh. that is somehow sweet and sad at once. ]

of course they should

and in any case, that's not up to you to decide. if that's the decision they've made, to forgive you, that's also something you're gonna have to just live with

[nilhilistic]

Yes. And I am grateful.

But it feels like too much.

[incorrigibles]

well

clearly you haven't lived with it long enough.

[nilhilistic]

I lived with it for a thousand years.

In silence. Holding my sister's hand.

[incorrigibles]

mate

i feel like there's a longer story here

cw: mentions of suicide

[nilhilistic]

Yes. That's fair.

I destroyed my world. But a few remained. My sister and her friends. They fought me and they won.

I expected her to end me. For my subterfuge. For my crimes. For . . . impersonating her brother.

She did not. Instead she cut herself down in front of me. So I spent a thousand years devoting my energy towards resurrecting her. And I was lucky to succeed.

[incorrigibles]

well, shit

that's a lot, innit? but from what you're saying... well, you spent a thousand years to help her, yeah? isn't it fair to consider that might have been you repenting? and that you might deserve the forgiveness after that?

[nilhilistic]

It was an entire world. Surely that merits . . . more.