( video | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

I am curious now, considering what this world is for and what it attempts to do.

Is there a crime you would consider unforgivable? What would it be?

And if that isn't the case, what is your idea of repatriation?

Please, share your thoughts.

Comments

[nilhilistic]

I am a Fell Dragon.

To be a Fell Dragon is to cause pain and suffering. It is inherently a part of our nature. I have chosen to do otherwise, but it is still intrinsic to us.

[sinningtree]

An inherent part of your nature, that you are choosing to go against. I assume you have your reasons.

[nilhilistic]

There's no reason for it any longer.

[ no reason to enact sombron's will, no need to seek out a dead father's regard, no need to plot and plan so that he's safe, he can exist, he can live —

no point in any of it. he has no more worth now than he did back then. ]

That being said, who knows how successful I'll be?

[sinningtree]

Perhaps your kind is prone to causing pain and suffering, but you don't seem to enjoy or delight in it.

[From the context of their conversations, at least.]

Many of us struggle with our own demons and decide to change. To go against one's nature may not be easy, but it can be worth it. That alone sets you apart from the sort I've mentioned. Forgiveness is not a consideration for them, neither one they think about nor one they deserve.

[nilhilistic]

No, that sort of enjoyment is gone now.

[ sometimes he enjoys displays of power and strength, but that's as far as it goes. and rafal has no interest in picking on the weak. ]

I suppose I just feel I have been forgiven too easily.

[sinningtree]

[He's certainly not going to criticize anyone for that when he operates similarly. He helped build an entire election system based on display of power and strength.]

Perhaps. That is not for anyone here to decide though, if those who have chosen to forgive you are back in your own reality. We may not understand it, but we have no say in what others are willing to forgive or why.

[nilhilistic]

[ he sighs. ]

That is true. It is a foregone conclusion. I have been forgiven.

[sinningtree]

Then I suppose what you're really searching for is a way to accept that.

[nilhilistic]

[ that cuts through the heart of it. ]

. . . Yes. I suppose I am.

[sinningtree]

I'm afraid there is little we can do to help with that as well. Maybe if you have friends here who know you well, but... it will take time to come to terms with, and perhaps a great deal of it.

[nilhilistic]

I have no shortage of time.

If it comes, it comes.

[sinningtree]

True.

In the meantime it can't hurt to work toward being the person you may some day find worthy of that forgiveness. It is not always easy to see in ourselves what others see in us, having no shortage of time certainly does put one at a unique advantage.

[nilhilistic]

[ what do others see when they look at rafal? he doesn't know. does anyone truly see rafal anyway?

for the longest time, even he did not know who rafal was. ]

Who knows what a person is worth?

[sinningtree]

Worth is subjective. The opinions of those who care about us will vary from those of our worst enemies. In order to understand the reasons one might have for forgiving us, we first have to understand our worth to the person in question. See things from their eyes, in a way.

[nilhilistic]

I would say the people I know are biased.

[ no way nel would say otherwise. or the people he knew. ]

[sinningtree]

Aren't we all, when it comes to those important to us?

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps.

It is a new experience for me.

[sinningtree]

It is quite the adjustment after knowing nothing like it for centuries.

[nilhilistic]

[ he huffs, seeing the humour in that. ]

It certainly is. I feel perpetually behind in this.

[sinningtree]

Plenty of time to catch up.

How new is it, if you don't mind my asking?

[nilhilistic]

[ hmm. ]

A year in this place and a few months back on Elyos.

[sinningtree]

That is quite new. I imagine it might feel insurmountable with that context...

[Not just by their metric, up against centuries, even by human standards that was next to nothing.]

I've faced a great change myself, over the past few years in particular. Roughly twenty back home, in total. It does come more naturally, eventually. If you have people who matter to you, that feeling may even pass without your notice.

[nilhilistic]

Perhaps.

But they are human. They too will pass quickly.

[sinningtree]

Such is the nature of being human, I'm afraid. All we can do is appreciate what time we do have with them.

[He was trying not to think too directly about his mother's fleeting lifespan, but that's happening now.]

[nilhilistic]

I suppose I can manage that.

[ that is what dragons are meant to do. weather the passage of time. ]