expiationnet | text; un: shades

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text; un: shades

[Scott's been feeling all kinds of ways since returning to Aldrip. A little off his feet? Not upset exactly, not when he remembers everyone important to him, but it's still a lot. Kind of weird that he's actually older here than back home, and that's not mentioning suddenly getting almost two years of memories shoved inside his head that he completely forgot about until now. But he's trying. A part of him wants to just lie on the bed with Kotone and just take more time to himself, but he figures that he should say something to his friends.

Maybe focusing on them will help. Better than thinking about Alex or how Apocalypse sort of ruined everything back home.

He breathes in, fiddling with his tablet. Something in him wants to change his username from 'shades' to 'cyclops,' but maybe not right now.]

hey, i'm back now. sorry if i worried anyone. a lot happened, like, back home. yeah i went home and came back. i'm okay though.

[None of that sounded super awkward, right.]

if you wanna meet up, i'll be at the diner. you're paying though.

[ooc: Scott's back from his canon update and just Dealing with Stuff. Totally open to threading Scott meeting others in person! Also, he'll be back in regular clothes for the time being, but he will be wearing his visor for now.]

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And so humble about it, as well, [is his half-joke of a response, his tone mild.

He intends to get too the heart of the matter, though; even if he'd prefer to guide Scott that way gently, he's not opposed to using more direct methods.]

Nor are you alone here. [Zekarion wonders, if everyone Scott knew disappeared from this place, would he be able to start over again, build just as many connections? He waits for the space of a breath, then continues along the lines of what remains unspoken, gaze focused squarely on Scott's expression.] Unfortunately... that doesn't mean all of us will make it through unscathed.

['Not all of us will make it through unscathed.'

Scott flinches when those words pass from Altius, unable to hide his reaction as a pained look crosses his face. Wha-- why did he have to say something like that? It turns his earlier words bittersweet, the feeling that he's not alone here now weighing differently on him.]

You don't know that. [He stares hard at his water for a second, before turning that stubborn look towards Altius. Maybe he's coping really hard with the idea that he will lose more of his friends, but he doesn't want to think about that right now. Not after he just lost Alex.] We can make it through.

[He just has to be good enough.]

Scott...

[He leans forward, setting his elbows on the table as he watches the young man and his attempt to cope.]

That saying... "hope for the best, prepare for the worst." I don't quite believe in that. Not in those exact terms.

[He pauses a moment, half a sigh leaving his nose.]

It's important to reach for that. To work towards making sure as many people make it through as possible. [He'd said as much in Scott's dream; he's reinforcing that now, even as he adds caveats to it now that the mutant has clearly dealt with something difficult. He turns his hands on the table, palms almost facing upward as he continues.] But you have to recognize that nothing will go perfectly, especially not where conflicts between people are concerned. And you have to prepare yourself, not just in practical terms, but in emotional ones. If you can't accept that others will be hurt along the way, it will only end up breaking you.

[He knows that Altius is right in a lot of ways, but he doesn't want to admit it. Isn't that basically admitting that one day, he'll see more of his friends and family back home hurt because they're X-Men?? Or the people here facing a similar fate? He can deal with injuries and not everyone being in perfect condition after a battle, but thinking beyond that, actually losing more people...

His jaw clenches. Isn't Altius supposed to help him with this? He promised in that dream. He said he would. The mutant can't help but get a little upset, no matter how pacifying and understanding the older man tries to be. His hands curl by his legs, still so stubborn.]

Then they can be hurt, just a little. Bruised a bit, but still recoverable. Then I'll keep on trying, getting better. That's what the leader of the X-Men is supposed to do anyway.

[He turns his head away, Scott becoming just a little more withdrawn, mostly to hold back those more tumultuous feelings.] I'm not going to break or whatever. I'll be fine.

[When it gets to the proper point, he'll return to the reassurance: the reminders that Scott will have help, and that he is still here to help, and just because he wants to warn the young man of the trials ahead doesn't mean Altius is abandoning him.]

You know that's not what I mean.

[Though his words are stern as he shakes his head, his tone remains relatively soft, and it only gets softer as he continues, quiet enough for only Scott to hear.]

You're already not fine now. What really happened?

[Altius is not supposed to call him out. Wasn't he doing a good job hiding everything? Apparently not.]

...

[He's mentioned Alex a couple of times. Not a lot, but it's not like Altius will be the first person to hear about this. So it should be easier to talk about right? The pain should be less. It's not though, even though months have passed. Jean's comforted him back home and so has Kotone, but the image of his brother's burnt body stays with him, whether or not he's awake or sleep.

Scott pulls one leg up on the booth, wrapping his arms around it and leaning his cheek against the raised knee. Surely the epitome of not teenage angst here.]

Nothing happened-- I became an X-Man. I'm just responsible for a lot of things now.

[Even though Altius doesn't always let on just how perceptive he is, he thinks even Scott knows he's not fooling the man. He's just trying to avoid the discussion.]

I know what loss looks like. I've been seeing it in Ferran's face for nearly a year, and I can see it in yours.

[But he lets out a slow breath as a quiet sigh. Scott seems to be the type to redouble his efforts when confronted—so he retreats, metaphorically speaking. He still remains leaning forward, a presence he hopes might be comforting.]

I understand if you don't want to talk about it. I only want to make sure you don't keep it to yourself, hoping those new responsibilities will stop you from feeling anything.

[He sits up slightly and picks up his coffee again, taking another sip before he continues over the cup.]

If you want to talk, I'll be here. And if you don't... I'll be here, regardless.

[There's no outward acknowledgement of Altius's words, Scott still looking away from the other man as he keeps his face pressed against his leg. It's hard being directly confronted about this, a part of him wanting to spill everything that's clenched up tightly in his chest, but another part of him just refusing to talk about Alex again.

Because it hasn't really helped yet, not entirely. It's a time thing, right?

The more days pass, the better he'll be. Maybe then he'll be okay with talking about his dead brother. Someone he thought for sure would be there for him when he returned home. Feels like some cruel foreshadowing or irony or whatever that he had all of those dreams with Alex, like some sort of final farewell that he didn't even know he was having. He wishes he could go back to them, if just to hug Alex one more time.

Tears prick at the corner of his eyes, before it's accompanied by a few audible sniffles.]

...Can you stay here, for a while? [He eventually asks, voice cracked with emotion, something almost pleading in it.]

[His gaze softens as he watches Scott work through his thoughts and feelings, then those much more obvious indications of the loss he's brought out into the open. He waits, patiently, quietly, until the young man makes a request of him, and his answer comes with ease.]

Of course, my dear. As long as you like.

[He truly means that; even if he did have any other plans or obligations, he'd postpone them without second thought. But he came here with a purpose—to gather information and further connect with the young mutant—and he'd waited and set aside anything else he might have had to do for that reason. He can't deny some satisfaction with the fact that he's met with apparent success on the latter front.]

[He doesn't thank Altius directly, but it's probably not needed anyway.

Scott just continues to sniff, one hand reaching up to push his visor up just enough so that he can rub at his closed eyes. Crying really sucks sometimes, always feeling more of a hassle than what it's worth. He has to keep his eyes closed and his glasses/visor is in the way all the time and it's just. Annoying.

But it's not like he can fully stop himself from crying still. Now that it's started, Scott can't stop it, though he manages to push back any loud sounds, the teen adopting a more quiet though messy form. It won't be the first or the last time where he wishes that he didn't waste his time back home, that he reached out to Alex earlier. And a small part of him wonders that if he tried to leave Aldrip earlier, he'd be back in time for him still.]

[Zekarion only waits a few moments after the young man moves his visor to lean forward again, letting his arm audibly slide against the table before his hand rests against that uplifted leg.

For now, he doesn't offer any words of comfort; no false reassurances that everything is alright, no encouragement to express himself, no reminders of Altius's presence other than the physical touch. It would be unnecessary, at this point. He simply waits to see if Scott wants to open up on his own, or if he's simply crying it all out.]

[Scott continues to quietly cry to himself, tears always hastily rubbed by his hand, even though he knows that he's not fooling anyone right now. It just feels better than letting them flow freely down his face, even as more start to overflow from his tightly shut eyes.

For a while, it doesn't look like Scott isn't going to react to Altius's comforting presence, until he slides his free hand to the one that's resting on his leg and curls around it. It's a small grip, nothing too firm yet, but still showing that Scott's accepted his quiet reassurance. Thanks, Altius. Really.

He continues like this for a while.]

[Altius settles his thumb on top of Scott's hand in response, recognizing the touch for what it is.

The pain clearly runs deep. A close friend, family? He knows better than most that superhero business comes with unavoidable casualties. Unfortunately, he doesn't have enough knowledge about the young man's past to take a more exact guess, even with that insight into the world of his dream and what he's learned through the backlog of the network.

And... well. It could be anyone, really. It could be a number of strangers, simply on a horrific scale. It could be a singular person who meant the world to Scott.

After several moments, he pulls a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and presses it against that hand, not about to ask the young man to replace his visor over all the mess in order to accept it.]

Here.

[Unlike last time, as soon as he feels the cloth slip into his hand, he wraps his grip around it to hold it tight. He doesn't use the handkerchief just yet, letting more tears slide down his cheeks before being rubbed away with his other hand, some falling further down in others as the mutant tries to save some face even if it doesn't matter anymore. Partly because he's already crying and because he knows that Altius is okay with him doing this.

It still feels a little embarrassing to cry like this in front of him. It's one thing to do it in front of Jean or Kotone, but it's impossible to stop now. Everything about Alex's death hurts even more with his extra memories of this place.

It's after a few more seconds like this before Scott finally pulls the cloth to his face, wiping the remnants of his tears as he takes a couple of deep, calming breaths. He's trying to calm himself anyway, as Scott can't entirely stop the way his chest hitches as he wipes his closed eyes.]

...T-Thanks.

[Comes the quiet response, even as his lips continue to tremble.]

[Silly boy, still using his hand like that even after he has the handkerchief... but Altius remains quiet for the time being, the offering hand returning to his side of the table as the other remains.

But it's only a brief time that passes before Scott seems to try to pull himself together. He offers that leg a pat when the young man speaks, though he doesn't try to pull away just yet.]

You're welcome. Whatever I can do to help.

[He inhales deeply, breath remaining lodged in his chest as he holds it, before exhaling and it helps. With that and his previous crying, he's feeling a little better, even if it's only temporary like all the other times. It's better than nothing. So with a small nod, he rubs the handkerchief against his shut eyes a couple more times before sliding his visor back on, a glow of red returning as he allows himself to see again-- and the obviously concerned look on Altius.

He really meant all that, huh? Being here. Offering his support. It pokes at some of the defenses that Scott holds and his leg slides back down to the ground, no longer obstructing him from the older man's view.]

I know. [Scott admits, acknowledging that Altius isn't just saying that because he's supposed to. He really wants to help, even if what he said earlier still hurts in some way. But it doesn't look like Scott wants to talk about all that stuff again, so it might be another time.

Instead, he seems to wrestle with something, like he's embarrassed that he's about to admit this next thing out loud. Especially to the older man.]

... I'm glad that I got to see you again.

[A faint smile comes to his face, only barely softening the concern there.

Altius didn't expect the young man to share every detail even if he would have been pleased to hear them, but for now, he's gotten enough. He's getting a remarkable amount of sincerity from Scott in those last words, after all.

The genuine feeling behind his reply almost matches the tone he says it with:]

Me too. [And since the conversation is unlikely to turn back to the serious matters he sought...] We might have had to organize some sort of festival in your honor if you didn't come back, you know.

[Scott makes a high-pitched noise from the base of his throat, the sound both surprised and embarrassed because why did Altius have to say something like that?! That would be so much. What's worse is that he can almost picture some of his friends... not throwing a festival exactly, but definitely having some sort of sleepover or some shit because of his disappearance. Which is still almost as embarrassing and A Lot.

At least Altius has successfully managed to cheer Scott up. And spared him from talking about mushy shit. Thanks old man.]

Yeah. Well. [He huffs, trying to save some face after his initial reaction. Just going to cover all that up by being a cocky shit.] You can still throw the party, I'll just have to crash it and tell everyone to quit it.

[Don't actually though.]

[Altius laughs at the reaction, the sound steady but not overly boisterous. There might be something a little smug to it for getting the response he was angling for—maybe.]

I'll be sure to put that in my schedule. [As he picks up his coffee again, he glances to the young man's glass of water.] Make sure you drink a bit more of that.

[He wouldn't want Scott to dehydrate himself for crying on Zekarion's account.]

What are you, my mom?

[And Altius is joking right? He definitely is. No way the old man would actually put something like that on his schedule.

Right?? Right.

.....

Scott gingerly takes the glass into his hands, one last sniffle leaving the mutant before he takes a large sip of water. He's not doing that pointedly or anything, what do you mean. Though, there's no hiding the small smile that's finally back on the young man's face.]

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wrap up :>