un: shigeru (text)

[mysophobic]

[ The dreams have made him ponder so many things these last few days. He's barely able to sleep most nights so he simply reads or wanders throughout the city with no destination in mind. But today he'll make a post because he can't sleep and he's not sure who to talk to besides the void that is this network. ]

Have you ever thought about...a choice you've made back home and wanted to change it? Something you did for yourself or something you did for someone else? How things might be different or just happen another way because of it.

Maybe a different choice could have made all the difference. Or maybe it wouldn't have mattered at all. [ A pause before another message comes. ]

Then I think that maybe changing something about myself would give me the answers that I wanted. Maybe if I wasn't who I was back then and hadn't reacted the way that I did, chosen differently in the way I went about things, it could have ended differently. [ But, ah, reading all of this now. This is depressing, huh? Sorry Aldrip. ]

Sorry! I type things without realizing it sometimes, it's a habit. Feel free to ignore this!

I was actually going to ask for recipes from people's worlds. I love to cook so...if anyone has a favorite dish they'd recommend please let me know! [ Hjhds he's so sorry about this. But Shigeru is going through it. ]

Comments

text; un: Sugarlips

[southernchere]

You aint gotta apologize for writin out your thoughts. I say it's good to jot it down somewhere, than lettin it be in your mind and worn you slap out. But you're not alone. I've thought and felt the same way.

What ya gotta remember, Sug, is to try and better yourself every day. We can't change what we've done, but your greatest wisdom comes from embracing your mistakes. You can help those who might be leadin on that same path, and guide them to a better one.

And I also love to cook :)! I know some southern recipes if ya willin to try!

[mysophobic]

I know you're right, about getting better every day. Embracing mistakes is...it's hard because I know mine affected people closest to me. But thinking about it that way doesn't make it seem so...hopeless. Or that if I ever get back home the people I hurt from my mistakes might forgive me instead of never speaking to me again. [ Which is something Shigeru needs. But, baby steps. ]

Southern recipes? What are those like? I'm always willing to try something new.

[southernchere]

I feel if ya pass down your know-how to someone, they'll be thanking ya to the moon and back. And as for your closest folks, I'm a believer in forgiveness... or I damn near try to be. So I reckon with some time and patience, your loved ones will forgive you with open arms.

Well! Most got a lotta fat in them. A lotta butter. But it just makes more tasty and cravin for a second helpin. I taught an old dog how to cook baked mac n' cheese a few months back. I can take on another student if ya fancy for a lesson.

[mysophobic]

I'm a firm believer in giving people second chances too. [ Whether or not Shigeru believes himself worthy of that is another issue entirely though! ] I'd like to think that they would...with time.

[ Shigeru has nothing but time now, being immortal and a god. ]

I'd like that. Cooking helps me relax and sharing it with people just makes you feel good, you know? Maybe having a big potluck or something might be nice...

[southernchere]

Time is a pain in the rear end, but a lotta good can come from it.

All right then, Sug. I'll teach ya how to make my famous baked mac n' cheese. And we can't go wrong with cornbread, either.

text; un: mandervilleofficial

[clutterbitch]

good or bad, a choice grants knowledge you would not have had otherwise. to go back and change what was, you necessarily close the door you had once opened and alter what comes after. the knowledge you'd gleaned from your first go 'round may no longer be pertinent at all. a new wee conundrum.

'tis perhaps too bitter a thought for a stranger to share. i mean only to say that it is better to look ahead for new ways to learn than to wish your past had gone differently.

as for recipes, have you something called a bavarois? 'tis a custard and whipped cream dessert. good with fig.

[mysophobic]

What if you don't want the knowledge you've received? What if...what you learned is just too much and you want to go back to the way things were?

[ He knows that's an impossibility now but it's always been something he's thought about. Lots of what-ifs since he's come back from his hibernation back home and even now here after the dreams. ]

I guess you're right. Thinking about past mistakes never really helps anyone, right? Still, it's hard to not...think about them from time to time.

[ Especially with everything so freshly laid out before him such as in his dreams. But, hm, something else for some levity he thinks is best. ]

But, no. I don't think I've ever heard of that before. It sounds delicious though.

[clutterbitch]

[ Ah, and isn't that a question. How often has Viktor himself wished to unknow, to unsee? Yet the prospect of losing memories has always been the far greater specter. ]

i suppose you could ask yourself, were you to unknow it, might you not risk stumbling upon such knowledge again? would you make the same choices in a do-over without hindsight? i do not know. but i do not think it is wrong to wonder these things, either. to revisit past actions and mistakes from time to time. 'tis human nature, isn't it?

it sounds as though you bear a heavy burden, though. and extra shoulders are always helpful in lessening those!! i am near useless as a sous chef but if cooking is a preferred distraction, i could try to talk you through what i know of fig bavarois sometime.

[mysophobic]

You're right about that. I wonder if I wouldn't have chosen the same path again and again. Like going into a situation that changed the course of your life...

[ So many things have happened it's hard to not wonder. ] But I guess it's just normal to think about these things, especially after those dreams we had. Making the same choices over and over again like stuck in an endless cycle...is that what they call fate or destiny, maybe?

[ Maybe it was always his destiny to become his world's god, maybe not, and if not him what would happen to the world and the people within it? ]

Sorry. It's a heavy topic. I really do appreciate your response though. I wasn't expecting people to reply...but knowing that people are reading it does bring some comfort. [ Shigeru's grateful for it too. ]

But I can definitely try that! I can make you some, as a thanks.

[clutterbitch]

do not apologize. sorrows are seeds best planted in gardens that many hands work.

if you truly do wonder, and i do not know if it helps, but i believe fate and destiny cannot be such without intent behind them. a cycle cannot repeat forever without a guiding hand to manage it. the world, or at least, my world, is too chaotic. too many cracks to trip on and delay a key actor, too many people too like to change their minds at the last moment, aye? so, mayhap in the long, long run, there is some hope.
at least...
i hope.

and until we know, there are desserts.

un: altius

[chimericalclaw]

[Hm. Zekarion is certainly feeling some sort of way about this message. Though his identity may have been obscured by Chaos's power during many of his dreams, he still remembers what happened within them with unpleasant clarity.

He should leave it be, but he doesn't. It's not like he's sleeping, either.]

There comes a point where considering the "what if"s of the past no longer remains helpful. I think the nature of your hypothetical would mean that you'd have to be a different person entirely, and then there wouldn't be a Mr. Miyata here to ask and learn about things like massaman curry, which would be a shame.

[Funny, that their conversations would come back to alternate realities and the like in a roundabout way.]

[mysophobic]

Sometimes I wish I was, different I mean. [ Shigeru, sweetie, no. ]

Maybe stronger or more selfish I...don't know? Sometimes I think I just made a lot of mistakes back home because I couldn't let people down.

[ Taking on all those burdens and never once asking for anything in return. But Shigeru also thinks he deserved it, after what he did, and because of what he was. ]

But massaman curry? It sounds good.

[chimericalclaw]

You'll struggle to find somebody who hasn't wished for that at one point or another.

Everyone makes mistakes, some greater than others, with any number of consequences. Nevertheless, those mistakes aren't indicative of the value of you being yourself.

[hahahahaha. him of all people saying this,]

It's a variety of curry that uses a dozen fragrant spices along with peppers and coconut milk. I admit I wonder if any of that means anything to you, given our separate worlds.

[mysophobic]

They aren't? Even if those mistakes hurt someone? Can someone still value themselves after hurting someone and going against their principles?

[ Or killed them, but Shigeru can't type that. Even just admitting this much makes his chest hurt, and his breath catches in his throat, as he closes his eyes briefly. Of course, he was being mind controlled by someone but that didn't excuse what he had done. If he had been stronger...maybe he could have fought it. ]

We have spices and peppers in my world but I'm not familiar with coconuts.

text un: punchesu, private.

[grappler]

i think about it all the time.

[she's putting it on private so no one runs into her talking about it, lmfao.]

what do you do when you find out you living or dying made all the difference?

oh no, Vi

[mysophobic]

[ Ah. Shigeru...wonders the same thing, a lot. Despite his outward personality of being chipper and upbeat. He is...a hot mess. ]

I...can't imagine what it must feel like finding something like that out. But I don't think it's something that anyone should really face alone, you know?

[ A pause. ] But I've always thought...about it, back home, if I had died would things be better, worse? [ Would someone else have just taken his place and become immortal to save their world? Probably, if the two gods of his world had anything to say about it. ]

Or would there just be someone else there to take my place?

rip her

[grappler]

[samesies. she goes back and forth between being unaffected by everything and being a mess... it depends on the day and conversation.

right now, she feels like a bit of a mess.]

but what if that person needs to be strong for others? maybe not for one person, but... everyone else.

[Caitlyn somehow got to know Vi super quick -- her mannerisms, the way she holds things back. maybe it was the constant proximity to her, or maybe she wears her heart on her sleeve more than she cares to admit.]

people say "what if" scenarios will drive you crazy, but it's hard not to think of them, you know? so... i get it. not sure about it in your case, but would that person be better or worse for your world? who knows.

they both goin through it

[mysophobic]

That's always a hard one to answer. Being strong for everyone- [ becoming a god for everyone ] -it takes a lot out of a person and you think to yourself who is going to be strong for them, right? I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.

[ How is he supposed to help his world if he can't even help himself?? ]

I'm not sure either. I guess we'll never really know, right? But I think not being there...might have been better in some cases and in others not so much?

text; un: kingofzaun

[howyouseit]

I think a lot of us wish we could change one thing or another about our past.

There are a great number of ordeals I wished to be able to rectify if I have the choice although our experiences are what shape us into the people we have become as well.

[mysophobic]

I guess it would be kind of selfish to want to not have to go through those ordeals, huh? Or to have someone else fix them instead of it being you.

[ He frowns on his end. ] But then I wonder about the people affected and I...can't just let them go through that if I could prevent it. The thought of if it's just you that carries the burden while everyone else is safe because of that, well, I guess it's something that pushes people to make the choices they've made.

[howyouseit]

Everyone goes through their share of troubles some that are avoidable while others must be faced head on. All we can do is look to ratify them without causalities but that is far easier said than done when you live in a society filled with imminent danger at every turn such as mine.

I know what it feels like to take on the world with everything against you and trust me when I say it's impossible to do it alone.

[mysophobic]

I'm sorry. That you had to go through that. It's not easy to have all that pressure put on anyone's shoulders like that.

I sort of know what it's like...doing it alone. But that was a choice that I made to protect people. At least that's how I saw it at the time.

text; un: ushiromiya

[entreats]

[ Talk about a wild thing to just throw out there and then be like 'no, never mind, just kidding' about. Ange is pretty sure no one is going to fall for that one. ]

You could always start keeping a diary, you know. If you don't want other people to see stuff like this.

[mysophobic]

[ Listen!!! He is doing his best with his late night ramblings, okay?? ]

Yeah! I...I didn't really think about that?! [ He is so dumb sometimes. ]

Maybe a journal might be a good idea for the future.

[entreats]

You should get on that ASAP if you don't want people to pay attention to that stuff.

Because trust me, they will. There are some people here who truly love getting all up in other people's businesses, especially when you start talking about your feelings and stuff like that.

[ Don't get the dreaded extroverts to hunt you down to get you to talk about your feelings, Shigeru.. It's terrifying!! You won't survive that! ]