expiationnet | ( video | un: revanche )

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( video | un: revanche )

[ rafal turns on the feed, looking deeply irritated. so really, no different from his usual expression. ]

It appears I have been sentenced for destroying a person's door. Which, in my defense, was entirely deserved due to their appalling lack of manners and generousity.

[ and they denied him his candy. rude. ]

And as such I have been tasked with . . . bonds. Specifically the strengthening of them, physically, or creating new bonds.

What does this entail? I require clarification. I wish to get this over with.

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Not long then.

The grief must still linger.

[ it takes him a moment or two to answer — the only sign that the observation has shaken him. his expression still remains open, jovial even, when he responds, ]

Not much use to it, is there? As long as I've got — [ my best mate and a case to solve, he should say, a well-worn phrase, tumbling from his lips with years and years of practice, and yet.

and yet. ] It's not a bad existence.

[ rafal surveys him for a long time before sighing. ]

It may not be. And yet, you cannot force yourself to accept it so fully.

I am a dragon of the underworld. I speak to the dead. I raise them up. And what I do know is that they never stop being haunted by the life they once had.

[ there is a long pause, once more — and then a huff of laughter, a chuckle under his breath, lacking his usual brightness. ]

... Yeah. Well, you're the one who said it.

[ and then, because he refuses to talk about his real feelings over his death with someone he's only just met, ] Be haunted by the life they had, hah, that's a good one. You know, cause ghosts, yeah?

[ dryly. ]

Riveting.

It is merely what I noticed when I revive the dead, that's all.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[ — on second thought, actually, ]

Wait, walk me through that again. You revive the dead? How?

The process is complex.

[ hmm. how to explain. ]

I am a Fell Dragon. My power is linked to the underworld. And thus, I can pull people from there to do my bidding.

... huh. And what does that mean?

[ do his bidding — the wording doesn't sit well with him, the idea that dead souls might be pulled to the living world by someone, without a say in any of it... but things are different, in different worlds. ]

It means what I said.

[ rafal isn't one to lie or beat around the bush. ]

They become my servants. Some retain their consciousness and memories. Others do not.

Right.

[ right. so about what he expected, then. but he reminds himself this is a different world — there's demons, here, too, completely from different from the hell he knows. so for rafal... yeah. he shouldn't judge him based on the metric of his own world. ]

Can you do that here, too?

I have yet to try.

[ though he plans to. not because he wants that kind of power but . . . it might help unravel the mysteries of this place. ]

It's been some time since I've used it.

Well, you ever need... moral support or something, when you do try it, let me know, yeah?

[ or just another one who is familiar with the dead there to help. ]

[ rafal shoots him a perplexed look. ]

It's not exactly a power that involves a lot of morality. As you may have surmised already.

No, that's not —

[ oh, rafal. charles has the inexplicable urge to reach through the tablet screen and pat his head. ]

I meant, like... someone else there, so you don't have to do it alone. Not moral as in morals, but as, uh, mental support? Another person there? You know?

[ does he, in fact, know... ]

[ he does not. and it shows very clearly in his expression. ]

I do not know. What fool would tie themselves to such a pitiless task? Surely they have better things to do.

Well, that's kind of the thing, with friendship. They want to be there. For you.

[ a pause. fuck this, he's already committed enough, time to make another impulsive decision, ]

I'd do that. Be there for you, I mean. I told you you're my friend, yeah? So that's what it means, to me.

[ rafal frowns. he has . . . friends here. at the very least, people he is willing to acknowledge as such. but he cannot fully grasp this. this desire to be there. no one has ever wanted to be with rafal. not his parents, not his poor forgotten twin who died too young. not nil and . . . not nel. until now.

and . . . that's fine. they shouldn't. he deserves to exist, he deserves to live. rafal didn't have to hide it all. he knows that now. but he still committed atrocities. he is still — worthless. ]

I do not recommend it. Surely you can have . . . better friends.

What's that got to do with anything?

[ he smiles, then, earnest as he ever does. ]

Sure, maybe. But I want to be your friend. And that's what matters, innit?

[ not whether there's others out there who could, maybe, by some metric, be better. but he's committed, now, and rafal's nice enough, charles likes talking to him... and he feels like he needs a friend. someone who's going to stand by him, and well. he's pretty aces at that. ]

[ rafal slowly shakes his head. ]

You do not know what you want. And it is not worth the regret that will surely follow.

Let me worry about that, yeah?

[ not that he will; but it's the principle of the thing. he refuses to not do something just because it might go wrong later. ]

And you can't tell me what I think is worth it or not. Maybe it's not worth it to you. Doesn't mean that's the same for me.

[ a pause, and then, said quietly but earnestly, ] Don't be so quick to write yourself off as not worth whatever trouble there might be.

[ he was forgiven. graciously so. by nel. by the emblems. by the people. even by alear. he was given a chance to go to a new world. to begin again. so many opportunities. so much kindness. and yet, he cannot shake it off. the guilt. the regret. the failure.

he wonders . . . if nil was alive, if nil could see him, would nil have forgiven him? he wants to believe it but he fears the answer. ]

I don't want to hurt people by being me.

Now, I can't say that won't ever happen. But maybe... maybe think about this, yeah? That you might be worth it, to these people who choose to stand by you. Even if they get hurt.

[ he would like to say that it will never happen, that it's just something that he could choose not to do... but that's not how things go. and this? this is the truth of it. ]

And it's got nothing to do with you being a dragon, or any of that. Normal people hurt each other all the time. Say things they don't mean, or say things they do mean. Even just learning about something bad that's happened to someone you care about, that hurts too. But if we were all afraid of being hurt... we'd never be close to anyone, would we?

It is not the hurt that comes from anger or grief. My feelings devastated a world. No one came back from that.

[ his fingers dig into his palms. ]

I forfeited all of it.

Maybe. But you regret that now, don't you?

[ he smiles, the look in his eyes sympathetic and soft. ]

That's what matters. I'm not going to judge you based on who you were, but who you are now. And anyone else who's smart is going to do the same. So yeah, maybe the past you, maybe he wasn't worth it, then. But who you are now? You're worth it.

[ his eyes widen. that's a wild idea. to assume rafal has worth. all his actions have proven, without a doubt, that he had none. he sought to be valued and failed to prove it. ]

You cannot just say that.

(no subject)

incorrigibles - 2025-03-13 21:15 (UTC) - Expand

wrap?

nilhilistic - 2025-03-14 09:46 (UTC) - Expand

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