expiationnet | 003 | text (dated post-event)

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003 | text (dated post-event)

Afternoon everyone. This is Goro Akechi speaking.

We have come to find ourselves from a quite troubling situation. All thanks to acts of those from Rumpitur. I have heard the talk around the town about what should we do with them. Some of the people of Aldrip seem to be advocating for revenge, while others forgiveness.

Normally, I think the wisest choice of action would be leave the situation behind us and not to get involved in the politics of this world. But this is different. This wasn't a random attack or act of a beast, but carefully planned and intentional action against us. If we hadn't been successful in our rescue mission our numbers would have depleted no doubt. Who knows, the kidnappings could still be ongoing.

[He doesn't really care much for most of you. But this time they had hit where it hurt.]

What do you think, my fellow Chosen? Stay still and leave them be, potentially risking another attack. Or retaliate? Although, I believe it is important to remember that we still don't have all the details. Making this whole ordeal seem just more suspicious.

As for what I think? I believe something needs to pay for this.

[ooc: this post is inspired by december sotg. please! feel free to threadjack and everything! let's get the madness going.]

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[Oh. That stings. More than he thought it would. Goro stays quiet, feeling the barbs coiling around his heart, squeezing and filling him with ice. He looks at Akira in silence for a tad bit too long. Then, he lowers his gaze, trying to brush the anxiety aside.]

If that's what you want.

It's not. But if we can't communicate without spitting vitriol at each other, it's obviously for the better.

[He strides forward, tense but in a way that makes him pull inward. He's small again, like when he hid behind his glasses in Tokyo. Misplaced. Stopping an arm's length from Goro, he hesitates a moment before reaching out for his hand.] ...let me know when you get back, okay? [He literally can't not Care, he can't stay angry for the sake of it.]

[Goro's breath stills when Akira steps forward. There's something very familiar in this the way he looks at him. Seeing him like that causes a whole new feeling to raise right next to the nestling anxiety of his. It's ugly, nasty. Tastes like rotting flesh, stemming from inside of him. He watches the hand reaching out for him to grab -- but he can't do it. Not when the ugly decay is spreading in his soul.]

This will not soothe me.

[His mouth opens and then closes again, and he recoils.]

...what will, then?

I already told you.

[Violence. That is. He needs to break something, see something to bleed and suffer. The chaos to match the storm within him.]

I'll soak each one of them in a bloodbath. Slaughter them and tear them apart. [each one that hurt you.]

[He looks vaguely sick, for a moment, nodding.]

...yeah, I guess you did. Do it for yourself, if you must, but I won't let you hurt people for me, Goro. [He'll stop him before it gets to that. Which could get ugly.]

[this is your boyfriend, boo.]

I'm not--!! [he begins but then clamming his mouth shut. "Doing this for you", is being left unsaid. it's not a complete lie. Akechi's desire for chaos stems for both wanting for revenge and to.. deal with the whatever mess he's left feeling. Seeing Akira hurt like that had hurt him as well. It reminds him from the anger he used to feel for a such long time, leaving him desperate and powerless.]

Then I recommend you start doing something for it. I will not stop.

I'll stop you, if needed. [He says it so gently, but he means it. He's not going to let Goro destroy himself with his chaotic need to hurt what has hurt him. He reaches out again, this time not touching but asking for Goro to meet him halfway.]

[Goro's eyes fall on the hand again. He still doesn't take it, he simply can't. Not when the rot keeps gnawing him, eating him from inside. It's the exactly the same feeling that had made him place a distance between them before the whole kidnapping issue.

And yet..]

Then do it. [He says, his voice betraying him -- giving the other glimpse of that hurt inside him.] Stop me now.

[He looks at him, then, focuses, and takes a step forward to claim his hand.] Okay.

[His other hand loops around behind Goro and draws him close.] But you're going to have to talk to me.

[Goro doesn't resist his touch, allowing himself to be pulled into his embrace. A soft yet heavy breath escapes from his lungs, his body deflating against Akira's body. He doesn't return the hug, but that doesn't stop him from leaning in and nuzzling his nose against the other's neck.]

I'll tear them apart. From limb to limb, carve their skulls out and smash their bones.. I need to fucking destroy them.

[Akira just squeezes his hand.] I don't think that's what you need at all, Goro. [Should they be having this conversation in the office? Probably not. Is Dazai hiding somewhere watching it all go down? Possibly. It's fine.]

[Loki would disagree with that, Akira! The Persona has been so loud within him ever since he saw Akira emerge from the water, encouraging him to indulge in his more primal needs. Spread chaos and violence as far as he can. Take revenge those who have wronged him.

Goro grits his teeth together and his body goes tense as Robin Hood joins in the conversation, trying to reason with the demon and lean into the nobility residing next to chaos.]

Then what the hell am I supposed to?! [He snaps against Akira's skin, his voice trembling. Rip Dazai, really.] What I'm supposed to do with this?! It won't go away.

Try putting words to it, for starters, [He's still not entirely sure what Goro's dealing with-- he has an idea, a general concept that his bloodlust stems from hurt and neglect and loneliness, but he doesn't want to assume and risk smothering him.] If we can figure out the root of the problem, we can fix it. [He squeezes his hand.] Together, if you'll let me.

[The thing is that what Goro thinks is the root of it all is himself. If he wasn't wrong on such fundamental level there wouldn't be an issue, right? He wouldn't lash out and react with rage, or feel sick in his stomach when Akira looks at him like this. Soft and ever so forgiving.

He doesn't know what else to do with these feelings other than allow his madness direct him through them, with both Loki and Robin Hood guarding him.

Goro pulls away enough from Akira to look at his grey eyes. Then, he leans in to rest their foreheads together.]

Fight me. Like back in Mementos.

[Akira can't say he's surprised by that conclusion, though he does sigh about it.]

Goro, that's not... [He bumps their heads together gently, then nuzzles their noses.] We can spar. But I still want to talk this out a little.

[His brows knit in a stressed frown. After taking a deep breath Goro brings his free hand on Akira's shoulder, pushing him a back a little.]

No. I don't want to talk. I want to feel the adrenaline rush through my body. Taste the blood in my mouth. [He squeezes his hand, eyes focusing.] I want you to hurt me.

[He recoils just slightly, frowning and shaking his head.] Why do you want me to hurt you? That's-- I'm not just gonna say yeah, sure, let me beat the shit out of you.

Tch. [It's now Goro's turn to look annoyed, as if the statement was an insult.]

You won't be beating the shit out of me, asshole. I want you to go all out on me and not just some pathetic spar. Because if you don't give me everything you have I might end up killing you.

We aren't doing anything if you won't answer my question, Goro. [Firmly, but with a more concerned than actually irritated frown.]

[Goro takes deep breath, his shoulders raising up to his ears. Then, with a deep sigh he averts his gaze and bites down on his lower lip.

Akira hadn't needed much explanation in Metaverse. But then again, he hadn't exactly given him a chance to back out. Maybe he should've done something similar here rather than this. Goro stays quiet for a moment, allowing a heavy silence fall between them. The clogs are turning in his head, working to push through the walls around him that have isolated his heart.

He opens his mouth and closes it, swallowing air. His tongue is suddenly made of bitter tar, unable to move.]

Because none of this makes sense. What I'm--.. [What he's feeling. The hurt inside him doesn't make sense, not really. He needs to have it outside.]

I need to have it make sense again. You know what I'm like. Chaos and violence are what makes sense to me.

Edited 2023-12-09 10:02 (UTC)

[He's patient, if nothing else, moving his hands to set them against the back of Goro's hips. He hums when he finally provides an answer of sorts, and leans forward to bump their foreheads together again gently.]

Emotions suck, but you can't just beat things up every time you're confused about them, you know. You won't ever feel better.

[The corners of his lips pull downwards into a displeased frown. He turns his head to the side, eyes searching anything else to focus on rather than Akira.]

You're not listening to me.

I am, [He shifts to follow Goro's wandering line of sight.] I hear you. We can throw down, I get that you want to vent stress. But that won't fix it. Has it ever fixed it long-term before?

[He falls quiet again, biting down his lower lip. He.. doesn't know. There hadn't been a chance to see whether it fixed any of his issues on the long term. But the most important part to him had been the way it made him feel there in the moment.]

..It makes me feel better. That's all I have.

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