017. 💥 TXT; UN: QUEENOFZAUN

[opheliac]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, AND GAGGLE OF FREAK OF NATURES,

INTRODUCING........ the causer of chaos, reluctant hero, deranged symbol of hope, queen of Zaun, and your FAVORITE maniac, JINX and her MOST AMAZING, USEFUL, AND GREATEST REPORT NOTES OF ALDRIP!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥🎇🎇🎇🎇🧨✨🎉

are u new and have NO idea where u are, what ure in for, and u need information FAST?? or are u some regular schmuck with a flat brain and been living ur days like a mindless dope? dont worry, the author of ur nightmares and pleasant dreams has got u covered.

READ THIS!! (special guest, rhino, who will be asking the ANTICIPATING questions.)







RHINO ASKS: what is this place?

A. it's called aldrip (but i call it aldrag because its funnier)

RHINO ASKS: hey! this thing said i did a crime, but i didnt do it!! im innocent!!

A. thats because its prrroobabbly fake and made for show.

PROOF:

[there's an audio file that she uploads, and if one presses play:]

Person a: Duplicity? That's it? There's no way that that girl hasn't done other things.
Person b: Yeah, I think that crime isn't harsh enough. Some of them aren't harsh enough at all! Who--[STATIC NOISES]
Person a: Maybe we can [MORE STATIC NOISES].
Person c: That'd be so much more interesting!!


RHINO ASKS: so what do i do? how do i get back home?

A. TRUTHBOMB IMCOMMING!! 💣💥, but this is ur home now until they decide its time for u to go home. and completing ur "sentence" =/= u automatically go home after u finish it. thats a scam.

RHINO ASKS: well FINE! i guess i just wont do the sentencing then. 😡

A. if u dont complete ur sentence, something bad might happen to u or ur loved ones.

ex: they have the power to control ur thoughts, ur feelings, ure entire body, AND!!!! turn off ur abilities!!! so i would think twice about skipping out. the longer u wait, the more u start feeling funny!

RHINO ASKS: maybe the LOVELY LOCALS can help me out of this mess and give me answers!

A. dont bother, theyre not real, wont tell u squat, and theyre part of the system. OH!! but feel free to kill them if u want. they wont come back. and they probably wont feel a thing!

(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: but if u DO decide to kill them, u may or may not get punished/sentenced for it. depends on whose sitting in the big chair that day!)

RHINO ASKS: who IS in charge anyway? can i talk to them?

A. jerry > council > AI. that my theory hierarchy. and nope! jerry is a coward scumbag and wont talk to *me* whenever ive tried. mmmmaybe if he quits being a dirt slug, he'll talk to u. except, no one has seen or heard from the guy in months, unless its sentencing time inside that courthouse. the bigwigs probably told him he sux big ones, and got demoted. serves him right, throw his useless ass off a cliff!! ha ha ha!

RHINO ASKS: ugh SCREW THEM!! ill just BLOW UP THAT COURTHOUSE!

A. been there, done that, 2x. nobody likes a copycat and besides, blowing things up is *my* job. unless i give u special permission, or one of my mine. besides, exploding it wont do anything. but it did the first time!! we got sucked in a brand-new life and jacked up the system. it was pretty cool. thats where i got my café idea.

RHINO ASKS: what was with that dream thing that happened last month? is that normal? and why do u keep talking about this...system?

A-1. oh, that's just the hierarchy ne'er-do-wells putting us to the test for their hush-hush secret scheme. get use to it, kids, because some are worse than others!!

the ai and the council might be duking it out with how to handle our rehabilitation. u know. same idea, different approach sort of thing. or maybe they switch shifts every day!!! rotating the throne. and one doesnt know what the other is doing. thats my theory and this genius is sticking to it!

A-2. (and no, NOT A2 the snowflake chick) we are in a digital computer world space.

PROOF:
- we were receiving messages about some uploading crap

- 1st explosion to courthouse = world glitched, messed up the upload, i guess, and we got warped into a new universe within aldrip. but then the ai or the council must have seen what we did, then fixed it all up again. and now aldrag is A LOT LESS ALDRAGGY!

(💥AUTHOR NOTE: trust me. the older version of this place made me want to bash my head in, and scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon.)

- we were experiencing glitches ever since that, then we reset the system, and now thats gone.

- there was a tear in the skies of this "world" which leads to the outside????

what was seen on the other side????? — do not have information — ask around or ragna —(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: i wasnt here for that, NO FAIR! )8< )

ragna had the brightest idea and shoved his arm through it. we should all congratulate the simple-minded for taking one for the team!


💥💣 JINX THEORY 💣💥: we are living inside a bubble away from the REAL reality


✨SAFETY TIP ✨: never touch things or jam ur arm through something thats heebie-jeebie looking. use a stick, throw a rock at it, or trick ur least favorite person to put THEIR arm through it. then u wont lose a limb.

unless SOMEBODY decides to just. u know. shoot off ur finger. then throw ur old finger in the hole. who needs them when u can have a fancier and cooler prosthetic?

and where are the pictures of this crack anyway? and why havent i seen it yet? please tell me somebody took one. how do u expect the greatest scientist alive (THAT'S ME AGAIN!) to study anything?????? come on, give me something to work with here!!

RHINO ASKS: i have more questions!

A. 1. you can die here, BUT its temporary.

2. people who died can be brought here

3. children are ??????, but the youngest i've seen so far in age was 13

4. when/if u do return home, u wont remember the life u had in aldrip or the friends u made along the way

5. when they do decide to bring u back here, u might:

1) not remember ur time here
2) immediately remember ur time here
3) gradually remember ur time here

6. if u need a place to stay: go to the Inn or nab an apartment

7. alcohol for everyone!!!

8. need to make money? ask around! my purrfect café offers free drinks and food for newcomers for an entire
month! or i can just... hand u money. i'm loaded.

9. newcomers arrive to aldrip roughly every 2 months. give or take. people disappear/return home at random.

10. the system may be fake, but ure about 95% real. need proof to know if ure the real deal? meet me @ the city center and ill shoot u, and then we can rate between 1 and 10 on how much pain i put u in.

11. watch out for monsters outside the city limits.


got something else to ask me, just write to me here and ill drop a bomb for u. ORRR!! we can just talk, let the big fat hero make ur day better, one minute at a time. ure welcome, chuckleheads. 🐵🙊🙉🙈

Comments

[grappler]

[bruh...]

what else can you do?

[does she even want to know--]

[opheliac]

i can have access to all of ur dirty little private messages.

[grappler]

i mean if you wanna read the sexting me and caitlyn do, that's your choice. didn't think you'd be into that.

[not that they actually do it all that often, attached at the hip as they are, but she's trying to disturb her little sister right now.]

[opheliac]

ure right. dont want to read "i wanna taste and lick ur frosting". way too corny, even by my standards.

[grappler]

it gets more explicit than that. there's even pictures.

[opheliac]

ugh, ok. i get it, already, bunny rabbit. dont want to hear any more of ur mating rituals. my POINT is i can mess with the inside of these things.

i got a bigger question to ask u..

[grappler]

[vi: 1, jinx: 105.]

what's your question? or do i wanna know after all that?

[opheliac]

its a NORMAL question.
did u do ur own piercings?

[grappler]

oh, that is a normal question. look at that.

and yeah. why?

[opheliac]

hardy har, har.

i want something done. i can do it myself, BUT. it might look better if someone else is handling the needle.

[grappler]

what is it?

[opheliac]

nipples. maybe just one, maybe both. haaaaaaaaaaavent decided.

think u can do it?

[grappler]

huh. out of all the places you could get them, i didn't think you'd get them there.

[some sisters might be like OH WHAT??? but that's so not Vi.]

probably. it's gonna hurt like hell though, gonna warn you now.

cw: nsfw my threads today are very wild

[opheliac]

well! i was looking at my tits in the mirror the other day, and with them being so perky and junk, i thought they would look cuter if they were pierced. besides, not only i think it would look cute, it's also a b-late name day present for someone. OH! did u know people call name day, "birth" day? sounds better, huh?

thats ok. after the shimmer surgery, having everyone slamming me against walls, getting my leg stabbed, and WHATEVER else, i think i can take a needle.

[grappler]

[... she has a point with all that.]

okay, okay. i think i get that you can take it. and yeah, that sounds great. the birthday thing, i mean.

[sometimes she can still just see her as her little sister, okay. it's... hard letting go.]

i'll get some piercing stuff and then let me know when you're ready, okay?

[opheliac]

hows in the next few hours sound? i need to let out some steam before i come by. tryyiinnng to not blow something up. or shoot something. maybe i should break someone's window.

[grappler]

any reason in particular you're doing that, or is it just another saturday?

private

[opheliac]

how can u be palsy walsy with topside when theyre all pricks?

but maybe its because ure not me. ure not a jinx so. ure free to be whoever u wanna be. but me? ha! i try to follow the same line and what do i get?

i get shoved in the mud. "no no, u dont get to do the same things we do. ure too WEIRD! ure too different! ure too sick in the head. get out of our space, u psycho freak."

private.

[grappler]

probably the same way you're pals with Silco when he's also a prick.

they just don't understand. there's already a lot of animosity between topside and you, anyway. you just gotta show them that you don't have to be that person.

private.

[opheliac]

isnt the fact that i spent maybe 40mins of my time writing this stupid post of EVERYTHING i know about this place proof enough?

because u know, if we were in runeterra and ANY topsider, zaunite, noxian, demacian, or WHOEVER want any information from ANYWHERE about ANYTHING, u have to give up something. a trade, equivalent exchange, pay a price, something. this is *basically* a free handout. literal GOLD.

and im NOT asking for anything back. anyone with a working cog in their brain would know THIS is a terrible move on my part, and everyone back in zaun would be laughing in my face for doing this, or call me a dimwit. but here i am, RISKING IT ALL and laying it out on the table FREE OF CHARGE when i could be keeping it myself and watch everyone scramble around like worthless ants like i used to.

and THIS is the thanks i get for helping out during a war i keep hearing about??? wont they be roasted ducks and junk without me coming in to save the day??

but whatever. this the last time i bail them out. ESPECIALLY here.

[grappler]

[goddammit.

Vi just has to put her hands on her face on her side of the tablet for a little while, and then she finally runs her hand down her face.

it sure has been a Time since these people from Piltover had appeared.]

i don't blame you for being mad. i'd probably be mad too. they're judging you without even knowing the real you.

[she had worked on it with Viktor, but...]

i'm on your side on all this. just know that.

[opheliac]

thanks, sis. that means a lot.

its just not fair. u and cait or scott and kotone can yammer about ur relationships to the entire world and NOBODY blinks an eye about it. people would even find it cute or a d o r a b l e.

*i* talk about ekko, and suddenly, im a loudmouth, im putting his life in jeopardy, or im being naive. i like ekko.
A LOT. and im not ashamed to say it, and im *not* ashamed of him.

im not going to hide my relationship with him while everyone else gets to flaunt theirs. i know i.... havent always been on the good side of things. but i deserve love, too.

at least i like to think so.

[grappler]

as you should be. you shouldn't give a fuck what other people think about you and your relationships. the only person who should is me, because i'm your sister, and i gotta make sure they're not gonna fucking hurt you.

[small joke. she knows that Jinx can take care of herself.]

you do deserve love. you deserve the world.

[opheliac]

heh, well. i think im in good hands with ekko. hard to get pissed at a guy who's mushy and tends to throw in sappy and corny lines. not that it bugs me. its sweet.

[a small pause before she ends her next message.]

u know. for a moment there, i thought u were going to side with councilor lady with this. i know ure buddies with most of the topside. or at least those who are here with us. so it... feels nice being on the same team and not butting heads. we're already booked doing THAT with the other subjects, ha ha!

[grappler]

yeah, i think so too. Ekko's a good kid.

[man... that second text.]

yeah well, just because we're on speaking terms doesn't mean i agree with half the shit that comes out of their mouths.

i keep fighting for you, Jinx. they may think i'm crazy, but you're not a bad person. i'm trying to get them to see that, too.