expiationnet | 017. 💥 TXT; UN: QUEENOFZAUN

017. 💥 TXT; UN: QUEENOFZAUN

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, AND GAGGLE OF FREAK OF NATURES,

INTRODUCING........ the causer of chaos, reluctant hero, deranged symbol of hope, queen of Zaun, and your FAVORITE maniac, JINX and her MOST AMAZING, USEFUL, AND GREATEST REPORT NOTES OF ALDRIP!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥🎇🎇🎇🎇🧨✨🎉

are u new and have NO idea where u are, what ure in for, and u need information FAST?? or are u some regular schmuck with a flat brain and been living ur days like a mindless dope? dont worry, the author of ur nightmares and pleasant dreams has got u covered.

READ THIS!! (special guest, rhino, who will be asking the ANTICIPATING questions.)

RHINO ASKS: what is this place?

A. it's called aldrip (but i call it aldrag because its funnier)

RHINO ASKS: hey! this thing said i did a crime, but i didnt do it!! im innocent!!

A. thats because its prrroobabbly fake and made for show.

PROOF:

[there's an audio file that she uploads, and if one presses play:]

Person a: Duplicity? That's it? There's no way that that girl hasn't done other things.
Person b: Yeah, I think that crime isn't harsh enough. Some of them aren't harsh enough at all! Who--[STATIC NOISES]
Person a: Maybe we can [MORE STATIC NOISES].
Person c: That'd be so much more interesting!!

RHINO ASKS: so what do i do? how do i get back home?

A. TRUTHBOMB IMCOMMING!! 💣💥, but this is ur home now until they decide its time for u to go home. and completing ur "sentence" =/= u automatically go home after u finish it. thats a scam.

RHINO ASKS: well FINE! i guess i just wont do the sentencing then. 😡

A. if u dont complete ur sentence, something bad might happen to u or ur loved ones.

ex: they have the power to control ur thoughts, ur feelings, ure entire body, AND!!!! turn off ur abilities!!! so i would think twice about skipping out. the longer u wait, the more u start feeling funny!

RHINO ASKS: maybe the LOVELY LOCALS can help me out of this mess and give me answers!

A. dont bother, theyre not real, wont tell u squat, and theyre part of the system. OH!! but feel free to kill them if u want. they wont come back. and they probably wont feel a thing!

(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: but if u DO decide to kill them, u may or may not get punished/sentenced for it. depends on whose sitting in the big chair that day!)

RHINO ASKS: who IS in charge anyway? can i talk to them?

A. jerry > council > AI. that my theory hierarchy. and nope! jerry is a coward scumbag and wont talk to *me* whenever ive tried. mmmmaybe if he quits being a dirt slug, he'll talk to u. except, no one has seen or heard from the guy in months, unless its sentencing time inside that courthouse. the bigwigs probably told him he sux big ones, and got demoted. serves him right, throw his useless ass off a cliff!! ha ha ha!

RHINO ASKS: ugh SCREW THEM!! ill just BLOW UP THAT COURTHOUSE!

A. been there, done that, 2x. nobody likes a copycat and besides, blowing things up is *my* job. unless i give u special permission, or one of my mine. besides, exploding it wont do anything. but it did the first time!! we got sucked in a brand-new life and jacked up the system. it was pretty cool. thats where i got my café idea.

RHINO ASKS: what was with that dream thing that happened last month? is that normal? and why do u keep talking about this...system?

A-1. oh, that's just the hierarchy ne'er-do-wells putting us to the test for their hush-hush secret scheme. get use to it, kids, because some are worse than others!!

the ai and the council might be duking it out with how to handle our rehabilitation. u know. same idea, different approach sort of thing. or maybe they switch shifts every day!!! rotating the throne. and one doesnt know what the other is doing. thats my theory and this genius is sticking to it!

A-2. (and no, NOT A2 the snowflake chick) we are in a digital computer world space.

PROOF:
- we were receiving messages about some uploading crap

- 1st explosion to courthouse = world glitched, messed up the upload, i guess, and we got warped into a new universe within aldrip. but then the ai or the council must have seen what we did, then fixed it all up again. and now aldrag is A LOT LESS ALDRAGGY!

(💥AUTHOR NOTE: trust me. the older version of this place made me want to bash my head in, and scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon.)

- we were experiencing glitches ever since that, then we reset the system, and now thats gone.

- there was a tear in the skies of this "world" which leads to the outside????

what was seen on the other side????? — do not have information — ask around or ragna —(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: i wasnt here for that, NO FAIR! )8< )

ragna had the brightest idea and shoved his arm through it. we should all congratulate the simple-minded for taking one for the team!

💥💣 JINX THEORY 💣💥: we are living inside a bubble away from the REAL reality

✨SAFETY TIP ✨: never touch things or jam ur arm through something thats heebie-jeebie looking. use a stick, throw a rock at it, or trick ur least favorite person to put THEIR arm through it. then u wont lose a limb.

unless SOMEBODY decides to just. u know. shoot off ur finger. then throw ur old finger in the hole. who needs them when u can have a fancier and cooler prosthetic?

and where are the pictures of this crack anyway? and why havent i seen it yet? please tell me somebody took one. how do u expect the greatest scientist alive (THAT'S ME AGAIN!) to study anything?????? come on, give me something to work with here!!

RHINO ASKS: i have more questions!

A. 1. you can die here, BUT its temporary.

2. people who died can be brought here

3. children are ??????, but the youngest i've seen so far in age was 13

4. when/if u do return home, u wont remember the life u had in aldrip or the friends u made along the way

5. when they do decide to bring u back here, u might:

1) not remember ur time here
2) immediately remember ur time here
3) gradually remember ur time here

6. if u need a place to stay: go to the Inn or nab an apartment

7. alcohol for everyone!!!

8. need to make money? ask around! my purrfect café offers free drinks and food for newcomers for an entire
month! or i can just... hand u money. i'm loaded.

9. newcomers arrive to aldrip roughly every 2 months. give or take. people disappear/return home at random.

10. the system may be fake, but ure about 95% real. need proof to know if ure the real deal? meet me @ the city center and ill shoot u, and then we can rate between 1 and 10 on how much pain i put u in.

11. watch out for monsters outside the city limits.

got something else to ask me, just write to me here and ill drop a bomb for u. ORRR!! we can just talk, let the big fat hero make ur day better, one minute at a time. ure welcome, chuckleheads. 🐵🙊🙉🙈

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

aw snap, am i?! guess i have no choice but to believe u, because i dont remember one single night of my happy hours. maybe we could smoke? cannabis is supposed to be healthy for psycho brains.

Don't worry, I recorded some of your antics and have those safely hidden away. Only with you would I consider it, but you are wrong: cannabis makes you stupid with prolonged use and during the moment of the high.

are u recording me and keeping them as a family photo album sort of thing? it doesnt make u stupid, it makes u relaxed. something *u* need, mr.i work and dont have any fun.

Edited 2025-02-04 19:21 (UTC)

Basically, yes. It makes you stupid and relaxed. I do have fun. I read.

[He does not have much fun.]

oh yeah? trick question: and what is it that u read, buster?

Currently I'm reading a book called The Bible. It's a god murdering novel with a moral twist in the middle and end.

does it top my favorite bedtime story? just kidding! nothing beats janna.

Edited 2025-02-05 03:53 (UTC)

No, it's rather preachy. I wouldn't recommend reading it and certainly not out loud.

why? is it cursed or something?

It might try to make you a better person, so yes.

how is that bad? we should all try to be better, right?

Insufferable preaching when we all know we're going to Hell anyway. According to the book, suffering is the only way to Heaven.

jeez. well, looks like i got my ticket there.

Only if you suffer and help people and allow them to abuse you. I'd prefer Hell. It seems more entertaining.

but that place is worse, isn't it? i dont want u there.

Oh yes, there are multiple levels where, depending on your sin, you are sent for eternal torment. I imagine it's rather like having to sit through a meeting with Piltover business elites. And where would you prefer me, hmm?

somewhere with me and where we can be happy. or if u cant be with me, then a place where *ure* happy.

Then it appears we are where we are meant to be to achieve that.

u like here? even with the whacked up crap they put us through?

I have you, and I have an objective. This is better than the alternative. You hate it here despite all you have established for yourself?

i dont *hate* it here. theres just... some bad memories with this place.

the fights ive had with people, going through break-ups, people leaving or... dying on me. i know thats life, but. i feel it happens to me MORE than anyone else here. but hey, what should i expect as a living, breathing, curse? a happy ending? those only exist in fairy tales.

or. people who arent me.

There are bad memories in every place. Do you remember how I found you? Nothing in our lives is easy and loss, betrayal, and lies are extremely commonplace. Indeed, never expect a happy ending. You have to fight every step of the way to carve out happiness for yourself. Take it from anyone else if you have to. I will be with you for as long as we remain here.

[ there's a delay from her side of their conversation, the animated dots indicating she is typing, but then it disappears for a second. it does return, though, but to only say four words. ]

ive missed u, dad.

You came back. There is nothing to miss, Jinx. As a side note, I did achieve a mild level of intoxication while you were missing, and I have been lead to believe I may have adopted the brute. He took belittling better than most, and he was very pathetic.

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