017. 💥 TXT; UN: QUEENOFZAUN

[opheliac]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, AND GAGGLE OF FREAK OF NATURES,

INTRODUCING........ the causer of chaos, reluctant hero, deranged symbol of hope, queen of Zaun, and your FAVORITE maniac, JINX and her MOST AMAZING, USEFUL, AND GREATEST REPORT NOTES OF ALDRIP!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥🎇🎇🎇🎇🧨✨🎉

are u new and have NO idea where u are, what ure in for, and u need information FAST?? or are u some regular schmuck with a flat brain and been living ur days like a mindless dope? dont worry, the author of ur nightmares and pleasant dreams has got u covered.

READ THIS!! (special guest, rhino, who will be asking the ANTICIPATING questions.)







RHINO ASKS: what is this place?

A. it's called aldrip (but i call it aldrag because its funnier)

RHINO ASKS: hey! this thing said i did a crime, but i didnt do it!! im innocent!!

A. thats because its prrroobabbly fake and made for show.

PROOF:

[there's an audio file that she uploads, and if one presses play:]

Person a: Duplicity? That's it? There's no way that that girl hasn't done other things.
Person b: Yeah, I think that crime isn't harsh enough. Some of them aren't harsh enough at all! Who--[STATIC NOISES]
Person a: Maybe we can [MORE STATIC NOISES].
Person c: That'd be so much more interesting!!


RHINO ASKS: so what do i do? how do i get back home?

A. TRUTHBOMB IMCOMMING!! 💣💥, but this is ur home now until they decide its time for u to go home. and completing ur "sentence" =/= u automatically go home after u finish it. thats a scam.

RHINO ASKS: well FINE! i guess i just wont do the sentencing then. 😡

A. if u dont complete ur sentence, something bad might happen to u or ur loved ones.

ex: they have the power to control ur thoughts, ur feelings, ure entire body, AND!!!! turn off ur abilities!!! so i would think twice about skipping out. the longer u wait, the more u start feeling funny!

RHINO ASKS: maybe the LOVELY LOCALS can help me out of this mess and give me answers!

A. dont bother, theyre not real, wont tell u squat, and theyre part of the system. OH!! but feel free to kill them if u want. they wont come back. and they probably wont feel a thing!

(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: but if u DO decide to kill them, u may or may not get punished/sentenced for it. depends on whose sitting in the big chair that day!)

RHINO ASKS: who IS in charge anyway? can i talk to them?

A. jerry > council > AI. that my theory hierarchy. and nope! jerry is a coward scumbag and wont talk to *me* whenever ive tried. mmmmaybe if he quits being a dirt slug, he'll talk to u. except, no one has seen or heard from the guy in months, unless its sentencing time inside that courthouse. the bigwigs probably told him he sux big ones, and got demoted. serves him right, throw his useless ass off a cliff!! ha ha ha!

RHINO ASKS: ugh SCREW THEM!! ill just BLOW UP THAT COURTHOUSE!

A. been there, done that, 2x. nobody likes a copycat and besides, blowing things up is *my* job. unless i give u special permission, or one of my mine. besides, exploding it wont do anything. but it did the first time!! we got sucked in a brand-new life and jacked up the system. it was pretty cool. thats where i got my café idea.

RHINO ASKS: what was with that dream thing that happened last month? is that normal? and why do u keep talking about this...system?

A-1. oh, that's just the hierarchy ne'er-do-wells putting us to the test for their hush-hush secret scheme. get use to it, kids, because some are worse than others!!

the ai and the council might be duking it out with how to handle our rehabilitation. u know. same idea, different approach sort of thing. or maybe they switch shifts every day!!! rotating the throne. and one doesnt know what the other is doing. thats my theory and this genius is sticking to it!

A-2. (and no, NOT A2 the snowflake chick) we are in a digital computer world space.

PROOF:
- we were receiving messages about some uploading crap

- 1st explosion to courthouse = world glitched, messed up the upload, i guess, and we got warped into a new universe within aldrip. but then the ai or the council must have seen what we did, then fixed it all up again. and now aldrag is A LOT LESS ALDRAGGY!

(💥AUTHOR NOTE: trust me. the older version of this place made me want to bash my head in, and scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon.)

- we were experiencing glitches ever since that, then we reset the system, and now thats gone.

- there was a tear in the skies of this "world" which leads to the outside????

what was seen on the other side????? — do not have information — ask around or ragna —(💥AUTHOR'S NOTE: i wasnt here for that, NO FAIR! )8< )

ragna had the brightest idea and shoved his arm through it. we should all congratulate the simple-minded for taking one for the team!


💥💣 JINX THEORY 💣💥: we are living inside a bubble away from the REAL reality


✨SAFETY TIP ✨: never touch things or jam ur arm through something thats heebie-jeebie looking. use a stick, throw a rock at it, or trick ur least favorite person to put THEIR arm through it. then u wont lose a limb.

unless SOMEBODY decides to just. u know. shoot off ur finger. then throw ur old finger in the hole. who needs them when u can have a fancier and cooler prosthetic?

and where are the pictures of this crack anyway? and why havent i seen it yet? please tell me somebody took one. how do u expect the greatest scientist alive (THAT'S ME AGAIN!) to study anything?????? come on, give me something to work with here!!

RHINO ASKS: i have more questions!

A. 1. you can die here, BUT its temporary.

2. people who died can be brought here

3. children are ??????, but the youngest i've seen so far in age was 13

4. when/if u do return home, u wont remember the life u had in aldrip or the friends u made along the way

5. when they do decide to bring u back here, u might:

1) not remember ur time here
2) immediately remember ur time here
3) gradually remember ur time here

6. if u need a place to stay: go to the Inn or nab an apartment

7. alcohol for everyone!!!

8. need to make money? ask around! my purrfect café offers free drinks and food for newcomers for an entire
month! or i can just... hand u money. i'm loaded.

9. newcomers arrive to aldrip roughly every 2 months. give or take. people disappear/return home at random.

10. the system may be fake, but ure about 95% real. need proof to know if ure the real deal? meet me @ the city center and ill shoot u, and then we can rate between 1 and 10 on how much pain i put u in.

11. watch out for monsters outside the city limits.


got something else to ask me, just write to me here and ill drop a bomb for u. ORRR!! we can just talk, let the big fat hero make ur day better, one minute at a time. ure welcome, chuckleheads. 🐵🙊🙉🙈

Comments

text; un: grimreaper666

[rebellions]

oi

[ Don't think he missed that call-out, missy. ]

[opheliac]

goooooooood afternoon, royal idiot. what can i help u with today?

[rebellions]

what's with you putting me on a blast up there??

[opheliac]

oh come on, raggy. dont tell me u cant handle the pressure. u dont want to explode in popularity? i know u have a short fuse, but now ure really being a dud. 😜😜😜

[rebellions]

don't give me that crap
you know very well I don't want any of that
if I get some dumbasses asking me stupid questions I'm not telling them shit

[ Not that he has much to contribute beyond "don't stick your limbs into interdimensional gateways", but Jinx's post has already got that covered. ]

[opheliac]

yeouch! since when did u have such a rotten heart in that muscle body?

[rebellions]

since always
my heart is made of cold hard stone
and that ain't gonna change anytime soon

[opheliac]

WELL, u got me stumped. i guess i can go ahead throw myself to the wolves. a cold-hearted bastard like u wouldnt give a rat's ass if im puppy chow.

[rebellions]

is that supposed to be a joke?
cause I'm not laughing

cw: um....kinda sorta joking about unaliving herself or something??? she is unwell.

[opheliac]

oh relax. like i'd let some hairball get the best of me. exploding myself up is my way out and always will be. in fact, i made a special monkey bomb just for the occasion.

but ekko stole it from me while i was asleep, and i think he has it hidden somewhere in his apartment. that rotten bug. if he thinks i wont find it, hes got another thing coming.

baby sis.....................

[rebellions]

it might as well stay there

[ As far as Ragna is concerned, it would be good if Ekko dropped it in the middle of a lake or something. Not that Jinx wouldn't be capable of building a new one... man, it's really hard to say when she's serious or joking. But he's not gonna take his chances. ]

but if you ever feel like looking for it
get in touch with me first kay?
or if you ever just wanna talk or
you know
shit like that

[ So much for being that tough, uncaring bastard that he wants himself to believe he is... ]

1/2

[opheliac]

yeayeayea blahblahblah. whatever u say, numbskull! 🙈🙉🙊🐵🙊🙉🙈🙉🙊🙊🐵🙊🙉🙈🙉🙊🙊🐵🐵

private. 2/2

[opheliac]

[... and then their conversation is privated. see what she did there? putting on her theatrics for the crowd, as always.]

i was looking for it pretty hard last night. when i noticed it missing. i was. really nervous about ekko leaving me again. he only stuck around for a month the first time. and the whole quentin thing before that.

so.

my track recorder with boys hadnt been so great. but i. i called ekko, and we texted, then we video called the rest of the night. kept it running while we slept. just to be sure.

private.

[rebellions]

[ ... Well. He can't exactly call her out given his own poor performance at pretending up there, can he? But there is something reassuring about the fact that despite putting on a brave face in public, she still trusts him enough to open up to him. ]

when you were
gone
me and your old man talked
it really ain't fair how people who'd rather stick around poof without a warning
and those who'd rather go back are stuck here forever
it shouldn't be this way
but maybe if we could find a way to fix that
we wouldn't have to deal with that

un: shortstack

[jaganshi]

You put your arm through it too...

Did anything happen when you did or was it as anti-climatic as when I did?

[rebellions]

aside from losing said arm?

nope sorry nothing too exciting

[jaganshi]

You lost it?

What the hell took it off then?

[rebellions]

wait
you mean you didn't?
how the hell's that fair???

[jaganshi]

No. Nothing really happened.

It felt different through there but nothing else.

[rebellions]

fuck me I guess

yeah now that you mention it
it did feel kinda different out there

dunno what exactly decided to chomp down on me
or even if it was a living thing a machine or a spell or whatever
didn't stick my head in after to find out

[jaganshi]

For as long as it was attached, anyway.

Was it a clean wound or more… teeth induced?

Maybe it just didn’t want demon meat, if it was a beast.

[rebellions]

I'd say it's more of a clean cut

demon?

[jaganshi]

Then more likely a blade of some sort …

Yes. I am a demon. I don’t know many around here that know or can sense the difference but who knows.

[rebellions]

that so

don't think that would have anything to do with it though

[ Considering the arm he lost wasn't anywhere close to being "human"? It probably makes it even weirder that there was a difference in the result of their actions. ]

[jaganshi]

Chance does lean toward fickle.

Did you survive or did this place just revive you?