( video | un: revanche )

[nilhilistic]

[ rafal turns on the feed, looking deeply irritated. so really, no different from his usual expression. ]

It appears I have been sentenced for destroying a person's door. Which, in my defense, was entirely deserved due to their appalling lack of manners and generousity.

[ and they denied him his candy. rude. ]

And as such I have been tasked with . . . bonds. Specifically the strengthening of them, physically, or creating new bonds.

What does this entail? I require clarification. I wish to get this over with.

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[nilhilistic]

[ rafal slowly shakes his head. ]

You do not know what you want. And it is not worth the regret that will surely follow.

[incorrigibles]

Let me worry about that, yeah?

[ not that he will; but it's the principle of the thing. he refuses to not do something just because it might go wrong later. ]

And you can't tell me what I think is worth it or not. Maybe it's not worth it to you. Doesn't mean that's the same for me.

[ a pause, and then, said quietly but earnestly, ] Don't be so quick to write yourself off as not worth whatever trouble there might be.

[nilhilistic]

[ he was forgiven. graciously so. by nel. by the emblems. by the people. even by alear. he was given a chance to go to a new world. to begin again. so many opportunities. so much kindness. and yet, he cannot shake it off. the guilt. the regret. the failure.

he wonders . . . if nil was alive, if nil could see him, would nil have forgiven him? he wants to believe it but he fears the answer. ]

I don't want to hurt people by being me.

[incorrigibles]

Now, I can't say that won't ever happen. But maybe... maybe think about this, yeah? That you might be worth it, to these people who choose to stand by you. Even if they get hurt.

[ he would like to say that it will never happen, that it's just something that he could choose not to do... but that's not how things go. and this? this is the truth of it. ]

And it's got nothing to do with you being a dragon, or any of that. Normal people hurt each other all the time. Say things they don't mean, or say things they do mean. Even just learning about something bad that's happened to someone you care about, that hurts too. But if we were all afraid of being hurt... we'd never be close to anyone, would we?

[nilhilistic]

It is not the hurt that comes from anger or grief. My feelings devastated a world. No one came back from that.

[ his fingers dig into his palms. ]

I forfeited all of it.

[incorrigibles]

Maybe. But you regret that now, don't you?

[ he smiles, the look in his eyes sympathetic and soft. ]

That's what matters. I'm not going to judge you based on who you were, but who you are now. And anyone else who's smart is going to do the same. So yeah, maybe the past you, maybe he wasn't worth it, then. But who you are now? You're worth it.

[nilhilistic]

[ his eyes widen. that's a wild idea. to assume rafal has worth. all his actions have proven, without a doubt, that he had none. he sought to be valued and failed to prove it. ]

You cannot just say that.

[incorrigibles]

I just did.

[ obviously!! but no, he means it, of course he means it, with his full chest. ]

And I'm gonna stand by it. You don't have to believe it... but I will.

wrap?

[nilhilistic]

[ well. what can he say to that? it's not true. it cannot be true.

but he does not have the heart to dismiss it. the words he wished to hear for so long. ]

Fine. You may keep it. For now.