[ he had told alear not long ago. I felt I was going mad. a thousand years in a silent world. no birds. no animals. no people. just rafal and his lonely sojourn. holding onto nel. wishing. praying. hoping. every day without fail. he did nothing else. he thought of nothing else. as long . . . as long as nel can return, then rafal will do anything. he'll bear any burden. he'll shoulder any regret. he'll suffer any consequence. it would be easy if nel lived.

and. she had. rafal could take her to a brighter world. to elyos. nel would prosper. she would love as she always wanted to. she could be who she always wanted to be. unshackled by the fell dragon lineage. unshackled . . . by rafal's weakness.

it was easy. to shun friendship. to keep himself at a distance. it was easy to let his childishness go. he never deserved it anyway. and yet.

he yearns.

he wants someone to say that "rafal" matters. that "rafal" has the right to exist. that "rafal" was not worthless. that even he could hold a speck in a person's heart. give me an inch. give me a corner. give me anything. but he has to still his tongue in the face of his own misdeeds. his own crimes. he must be culpable. he must be.

so his expression is torn. baffled. lost. and deeply, achingly vulnerable. he bows his head in surrender and reaches out, in a haltingly slow motion, to curl his fingers in the crook of claude's sleeve. ]

I — I hope so. I hope . . . that I have changed. To be changed so certainly that I can never . . . do what I've done ever again.

I hope my name . . . can mean something good.