expiationnet | un; invinciblemikey / he's lazy

not for long because im going to kill u myself.

where the fuck have u been. ive been worried sick and looking for u everywhere

Didn't want to be found.

Sorry.

no shit.

i asked you a question, though. ill do two now. where the fuck u been and where the fuck u are now.

Hiding. I wasn't sure if it was safe to tell you anything.

Please don't look for me anymore.

you gon follow into my footsteps and drive people away? we see how well that went for me over n over n over, be my fuckin guest, it never ends well.

im looking. u gotta have someone in your corner when u fuck up because guess what its what happens when u do that kinda shit.

[ Manjiro doesn't receive a response to his message. Even if Minato wants to be left alone, he knows deep down that the other teen's just worried about him.

He'd spoken his mind when he insisted he didn't want to be found. It's why he'd sought refuge at a remote section of the shore, sitting on the sand with knees drawn up to his chest. Death and deception from the past week weighs like an anchor, leaving Minato's heart sinking from his chest to his stomach.

Isolation is safety. There's no one who can wound him if he doesn't let them in. Eventually, the chrysalis Minato retreats into will crumble away. But for now, he's more than content to keep to himself. It hurts less that way.

The ocean's tide sweeps in and out as Minato looks, forlorn, to the water. ]

(they have so much in common, even when they don't directly realize it. manjiro's safe place is always by water, and the shore has been his refuge since he arrived. with babu needing a bit of maintenance due to the harsh terrain, his feet carve his path from the wooden walls of the dojo to the safety of the sea breeze.

he wasn't expecting to find minato - not really. he was going to search in the morning, after repairs and rest, but he needs a moment to think. no one dared to give up on him, and he did much worse than a gentle request - he hurt the ones he loved the most to ensure his wish of being left alone was taken to heart. he was despised, but even so - he's alive and free because there was a soul who wouldn't accept it. in many ways, he feels like this is a way to pay back.

loneliness kills. it rots the soul, and he can't allow that for minato when his soul is such a fragile thing he's been getting the privilege of seeing.

he sits, calmly, a little distant from the other boy, but taking a cigarette from the pack and lightning it. shinichiro used to smoke - the smell soothes.)

Idiot.

[ The smell of cigarette smoke catches Minato's attention. He identifies it before Manjiro's voice.

Things click into place. Ah. Manjiro's managed to find him after all, even after he'd insisted on wanting to be left alone. Maybe he's just been fooling himself. Of course Manjiro would continue to look. That's how he's always been, stubbornly pushing his way into Minato's life.

It has Minato rising to his feet. He won't look at Manjiro, and instead, turns to flee from the scene. One foot in front of the other -- he's not quite sure where he's running to, only that he needs to go someplace else. ]

Edited 2024-07-29 20:25 (UTC)

(too slow. manjiro's reflexes are fast, years of martial arts and street fighting grants him that. the moment he senses minato's going to run, he positions himself as to do a swiping kick towards his ankles, hooked in a way that would make minato fall forward.

enjoy that faceful of sand, traitor.)

Sit down, I'm not really taking you anywhere, you can fuck off wherever it is that you've been hiding after. Don't break my heart twice.

[ He's no match for Manjiro. A year of being in a sports club is nothing compared to Manjiro's years of training. He lands face first right onto the sand, which fortunately breaks his fall.

There's a split second where Minato considers trying again, only to realize it would likely end with Manjiro tripping him once more. So he pushes himself off the floor and sits up. His gaze flicks up for a moment to meet Manjiro's before lowering again. ]

...

[ He'll wait for Manjiro to say his piece. ]

(he knows minato is not going to say anything - hardly does on a good day, much less when mikey is looking at him with an expression of hurt. he doesn't know where to begin - he came here to put his thoughts around this situation first, talk later if needed.

he didn't have that opportunity. it'll come out weird, but he'll try.)

I told you about the time-traveling.

(this is what is on his mind, after all. the actions he repeated here.)

I was cursed, and I did things that were outside of my control, and I killed way more people than you can imagine, directly and indirectly. My hands are no different from the hands of the Gnosia-infected, bloody even without true intent, for many timelines, many possible lives.

... But when I learned about it at home, I didn't want to hurt, and I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I made everyone who cared about me regret having ever known me and I left. I'd have lived a miserable life if I didn't have someone to tell me off, and who was willing to work with me for the person I am today.

I did the same here. I'm reaping the consequences of my actions, and yet, I haven't been given up on. I'm not giving up on you, but don't make the same fucking mistakes as I did. It makes everything worse.

[ Distilled down, Manjiro's message is this: if you push people away it will only make things worse. ]

...okay.

[ What else is there to say? He believes everything Manjiro shares about the curse and the time travel. It doesn't change anything about him in Minato's eyes. He's still the same Manjiro who tracked him down and refused to give up on him.

His expression twists into a smile that doesn't reach his eyes at all. ]

...but we're different, Manjiro. It's not because I'm afraid of hurting people around me.

[ Perhaps he's more selfish than Manjiro expected. The shell forming around his heart wasn't to keep others safe. It's for his own sake, his own heart unable to bear anymore pain. ]

Are you sure you know what's best for me...?

(meanwhile, manjiro's heart is nearly beating out of his chest. he wasn't prepared for this, and right now, his mind feels like a storm that won't quiet down, tapping on the windows relentlessly, distracting, anxious.

but the wonderful thing about being a leader who equates vulnerability with weakness is that he can keep it under the surface, not allow it to bubble up to his expression. instead, hollow eyes just stare at the water, taking a voluminous drag of his cigarette before the smoke trickles out of his nostrils.)

Then what do you take me for that you can't share your hurt with me?

(that's what hurts for him. that's what makes the thunders rumble in his chest, the words coming too pointed, even if his expression doesn't change.)

I don't know what's best for you, Minato. I just know that the more you run, the more you sink, and if you want to sink, you'll have to take me with you.

[ It's the unfortunate paradox, that Minato can't share what weighs on him because he implicitly trusts Manjiro. And what good were those bonds? All those connections had resulted in anguish over the past few days. ]

...I can't change my mind right now. I'm sorry.

[ I can't bear being betrayed or lied-to one more time by the people I care for deeply.

It's clear that his words must cut into Manjiro. Even Minato can see that, no matter how hard the other teen tries to avoid showing how he feels. ]

...I want to trust you, Manjiro. But I can't. Not right now.

[ His gaze lowers, unable to meet the other's eye.

I'm not sure I can trust anyone right now. ]

That's why I didn't want you to find me.

...

(there's a moment where mikey freezes. it's not because he's upset over the words, it's not because he's having the same treatment that he imposed on others.

it's out of sorrow. he can't tell what minato has gone through - he too went through some. he died, and yet, he couldn't blame the culprits even if he tried hard. it wasn't them - and it was them.

he can't help but fit in those shoes too well. there's a hint of how he feels, with how distant his gaze goes, how deep the smoke travels in his lungs before he exhales.

a crumb. it's what manjiro can offer.)

I'm sad you feel that way.

(he'll stand, only bend to press a kiss to the top of minato's head before he walks. he did come here to think, and right now, he's having trouble doing just that. he won't move too far, a few feet away, but it should give minato space to leave, or stay, or think. his feet now touch the wet sand, feeling the waves that come greet him by the shore.

if he wants to come closer, that's great. if he doesn't, he can leave. manjiro will find him another time. at least they can be in silence, sad in their own bubbles, and there's no trust involved in that.)

Edited 2024-07-29 22:47 (UTC)

un; invinciblemikey / he's lazy

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